Creep Van (2012)

Creep Van (2012)

Country: USA

Director: Scott W. Mckinlay

Main Stars: Brian Kolodziej, Amy Wehrell, Gerald Emerick, Tonya Kay, Angelina Armani, Lloyd Kaufman

Storyline: Campbell Jackson is a bit of loser and when he gets caught in a team to stop a madman with a crazy van all hell breaks loose.

MV5BMTk4MTk3NjU1MV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDEyNDY2NA@@._V1_SX214_AL_Review (Spoils): Campbell Jackson (Brian Kolodziej) basically chooses all the wrong career and life choices. He needs a vehicle to keep a job so he wants to buy a rusted out van which just happens to be owned by a crazed man. The movie was no real plot, it tries to create love connection between Campbell and Amy (Amy Wehrell) but it is not believable. This white van just runs around smashing people in the goriest ways for no reason. The van has everything inside from spikes in the seats, windows that slash faces, bumpers that crush bodies in two and a madman driver to boot.

Rating: if it wasn’t for the small part of Lloyd Kaufman and Amy Wehrell good looks this film would of fell flat. The gore was descent and over the top but the story was very B style and could be boring as it made no sense when it came to the madman. This film just had not enough to entertain really.

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4/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Frightmare (1974)

Frightmare (1974)

Country: UK

Director: Peter Walker

Main Stars: Rupert Davis, Sheila Keith, Deborah Fairfax, Kim Butcher

Storyline: Sisters try to deal with their parent’s cannibal past

MV5BMjE1NTUxMTY3NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNDM4NzIzMQ@@._V1_SY317_CR4,0,214,317_AL_Review (Spoils): Edmond (Rupert Davis) and Dorothy (Sheila Keith) Yates lose their children because they have a past of cannibalism. Oldest daughter Jackie (Deborah Fairfax) helps them cope as they are now released from the asylum but younger sister Debbie (Kim Butcher) believes them to be dead. Has Dorothy gone back to her wicked ways and how far does the apple fall from the tree?

This film is done totally different than any other cannibal film. It is set with family relationships, loyalty and even some gruesome effects. The family has a past and what is more important family or the law? The acting is very well done by all three leading ladies. We have the soft spoken but insane Sheila Keith, the loyal but yet rule barring older sister Deborah Fairfax and the perfect confused young teenage sister Kim Butcher. Hats off for all three in this film as they hold it together.

We have drills, fireplace pokers, pitch forks and lots of head blows and blood. Lots of raw meat, some brains and even some great card reading. The male counter parts struggle in the film but the ladies hold it together.

Rating: For some odd reason this film has bad rates but to me it holds as a special gem of horror for me. I keep coming back to it because it is so different then other films of the cannibal topic. Deborah Fairfax and Kim Butcher are gorgeous and they play their own characters to a tee. I personally love this film and always throw it on every few years. Well done Peter Walker and cheers!

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7/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Motel Hell (1980)

Motel Hell (1980)

Country: USA

Director: Kevin Connor

Main Stars: Rory Calhoun, Paul Linke, Nancy Parsons, Nina Axelrod, Wolfman Jack

Storyline: A farmer and his sister kidnap people to plant at their farm and sell as meat.

MV5BNjk4Mzg1NjUwNV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMzY5NTk1NA@@._V1_SX214_AL_Review (Spoils): Farmer Vincent (Rory Calhoun) traps and kidnaps travellers and brings them back to the farm to plant. He mixes their meat with that of his pigs and sells it and makes a nice profit. His sister Ida (Nancy Parsons) is a couple eggs short of dozen in the head and plays along with it all. The two of them run around killing people as his brother the police chief Bruce (Paul Linke) does not suspect a thing.

Farmer Vincent traps the young beautiful Terry (Nina Axelrod) and takes her as his own. (the weird part is she has no issue with this at all) and this bring Bruce to snoop as he loves her and finds out the Vincent is going to marry her. The whole cannibal family history and recipe unfolds.

We have pigs, chainsaws, blondes with whips, the beautiful Nina Axelrod, chezzie liners, gardens of heads, pig head masks and of course wet white t-shirts. What is there not to love of this film?

Rating: This film is basically a horror pun of such classic as Texas Chainsaw Massacre and maybe even some Last House on the Left. The film is fun and not to be taken serious as some of the actions of the character is not realistic at all. I personally love the finale chainsaw fighter and the pig head is a nice touch. For some reason this silly film holds close to my horror heart as a classic. Remember as “It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent’s Fritters”.

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6/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Halloween 7: H20 (1998)

Halloween 7: H20 (1998))

Country: USA

Director: Steve Mine

Main Stars: Jamie Lee Curtis, Josh Hartnett, Adam Arkin, Michelle Williams, Jodi Lyn O’Keefe, Janet Leigh, LL Cool J, Josh Hartnett

Storyline: Laurie Stroud is back and she must deal with the past of Michael Myers and her son.

MV5BMjA1NjMyMTkwN15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNDI1NzEyMQ@@._V1_SY317_CR4,0,214,317_AL_Review (Spoils): Laurie Stroud (Jamie Lee Curtis) is back but under a hidden name, she is the Dean of the university. She wants to protect her son John (Josh Hartnett) from her past so she restricts him form everything. He is a rebellious teen so he and his girlfriend and friends break all the rules and Michael Myers tracks them all down. Hell why not as he wants to kill all his bloodline!

We have teenage shit, lame scares, some boring conflict between mother and son, some appearance from Michael Myers, stabbings, a nasty leg crunch and the classic ending with a beheading. Hollywood ate this series and spit out a load of crappy 90s shit.

Rating: I had excitement when this first came out as Jamie Lee Curtis returns to resurrect the series from the awful cowboy cult but instead we got a load of horror garbage. This film is barely bearable unless you can keep looking at Jodi Lyn O’Keefe…… the horror is boring!

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4/10 Beers!

Yacker

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The Devil Rides Out (1968)

The Devil Rides Out (1968)

Country: UK

Director: Terence Fisher

Main Stars: Christopher Lee, Charles Gray, Nike Arrighi, Rosalyn Landor, Leon Greene

Storyline: Two young men stumble upon a cult of devil worshipers.

the_devil_rides_out1Review (Spoils): Duc de Richleau (Christopher Lee) and Rex Van Ryn (Leon Greene) get invited to a mansion for a party. When at the party they stumble across a pentagram on the floor and some chickens in a box. We learn that the inviter Nicholas is proficient in black magic. We learn that the guests get escorted out as the members are having a private meeting (hmmm wonder what this about). Anyways the whole rouse is controlled by a Mocata (Charles Gray) who is trying to resurrect the devil.

We have lots of camera focus on eyes, a dude with some crazy white eyes, a crossed eyed old lady, some smoke, some goats and chickens, cross throwing and of course a great costume of the great devil himself. Basically it is duel of Duc de Richleau against the cult but man the devil costume rocked! Acting was well done both by Christopher Lee and Charles Gray.

Rating: This is a classic horror film and it has a Hammer feel to it. When have clips of the devil on the rock in an Iron Maiden video you know you did something right. The movie can have some slow parts but you can see where some of the ideas of Rosemary’s Baby came from or vice versa as it was the same year. Grab some beers, raise your horns and drink to the hairy goat devil!!!!!

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6/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

 

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Return of the Living Dead 2 (1988)

Return of the Living Dead 2 (1988)

Country: USA

Director: Ken Wiederhorn

Main Stars: James Karen, Thor Van Lingen, Thom Matthews, Suzanne Snyder, Marsha Dietlein

Storyline: After the first film a radioactive container gets dropped in the sewer system causing zombies to return.

MV5BMTMyNTY2NTc5N15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMTU0OTg5._V1_SX214_AL_Review (Spoils): The zombies are back and they want more BRAINS! Following the idea of the first film we have a stoned driver who was not paying attention and a container of radioactive stuff gets dumped in the water system. The dead started to walk as a young group of men stealing skulls come across them, a young kid who wants to be cool and his teenage sister and hunky cable guy. The film is not to be taken serious just like the first one and there is lots of one liners, screaming, talking zombies, stupid reactions, some blood, yellow and black goo, the classic finger bite, brains being eaten, talking heads and bouncing zombie hands.

More yelling and screaming then anything but the zombies are not bad except for the odd one that is supposed to be funny. We have the annoying yet hot redhead Suzanne Snyder screaming through most of it.

Rating: Not as good as the first one we have another entry for the Return of the Living Dead series. The acting is pretty lame and to be honest if it was not for the 80s hotness (Suzanne Snyder) this film would of been pretty damn boring and annoying. The zombies are pretty decent and the make-up is good but the acting and lines are pretty hard to take.

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4/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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28 Weeks Later (2007)

28 Weeks Later (2007)

Country: UK

Director: Juan Carols Fresnadillo

Main Stars: Jeremy Renner, Rose Byrne, Robert Carlyle, Catherine McCormack, Imogen Poots

Storyline: Six months after the virus outbreak the US Army tries to secure a area in London for the survivors.

MV5BMTUxMjc2MTcxNV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMzgzOTY0MQ@@._V1_SY317_CR0,0,214,317_AL_Review (Spoils): After the outbreak of the zombie like virus in England called the Rage the ones that were infected died from starvation. The US Army come in and start to rebuild a community for the non infected. The Army clean up the dead bodies of the infected while a couple decide to sneak out and investigate their old house to reclaim some items. They come across a crazy woman named Alice (Catherine McCormack) in the attic that survived. After checking Alice over the do blood tests and find out that she is in fact infected with the Rage. Well Alice kisses someone as there is love and the virus spreads yet again. This leads to the another great zombie biting Rage outbreak!

We got blood, biting and running zombies, very similar as the first film.

Rating: Personally I’m not a fast moving zombie fan. I like my zombies rotting and walking slowly with lots of moaning. The film was not a bad film at all it was nice touch to the series. Plus we have Rose Byrne that is worth a viewing outside the zombies. Now to throw on a slow zombie film and get back to the gory basics.

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6/10 Beers!

Yacker

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