Chain Letter (2009)

Chain Letter (2009)

Country:  USA

Director: Deon Taylor

Main Stars: Nikki Reed, Keith David, Brad Dourif, Michael Bailey Smith, Cherilyn Wilson, Cody Kasch, Betsy Russell, Madison Bauer

Storyline:  An email chain letter if deleted causes a murderous madman with chains to come and kill you.

MV5BOTU4MDE4MDE2OF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDQ0Njg4Mw@@__V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): Okay so it took till 2009 for Hollywood to do a movie on an email chain letter leading to death.  This is a typical teenage horror film where people are young, horny and addicted to their flip phones (yes flip phones…!). Someone receives a chain letter email and forwards it off to four people and if someone decides to delete it a big man comes with chains to kill you.

We have young teenagers that don’t give really a rats ass about each other (you will notice this once they start to drop off the face of the Earth), we have chains, we have lots of blood and gore, flip phones, some breasts, a crazed storyline that somehow involves a cult and Betsy Russell playing a horrible cop.

The acting from the young people was not bad and the gore and blood was actually not bad in this film. I really did enjoy the character Cody Kasch played. The main actress Nikki Reed was good looking and she were not bad but some of the storyline/writing kind of made it unreal.

Rating: This film was actually better than I thought it would be but at the same time it was not great. Typical teenage film with teenage topics and it tries to nail technology as evil and root of all evil along with an unexplained burnt face madman (Michael Bailey Smith) with chains.

But the gore was good!

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5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Back From Hell (Ex inferis) (2011)

Back From Hell (Ex inferis) (2011)

Country:  Italy

Director: Leonardo Araneo

Main Stars:  Giovanni Araneo, Aran Bertetto, Giovanni Guidelli, Jennifer Mischiatti, Manuela Paraodi, Roberto Zibetti

Storyline:  Some ex classmates decide to rent a manor house in the countryside which has a resident priest. After the first night things start to get out of hand.

MV5BNzYxMDU2NTAwOF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNTgyNjA2MDE@__V1_UY268_CR9,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): We have six friends that decide to head the countryside for a vacation with a video camera (my god people in horror films are addicted to these things) to an old manor house. When they get there after some annoying banter in the car they realise that a priest (Giovanni Guidelli) resides in the manor. After meeting the priest they decide hey why not create and play with an Ouija board and bring upon some spirits, after that the stay goes to shit.

Six people that seem to know each other but act like they are fourteen (one of them being pregnant) are in a manor doing stupid stuff, including filming it all when a demon starts to slowly possess them one by one. That is the sum of this film. We have lots of weird noises, jumpy camera work, painful acting, some blood, a cool scene in the woods (which by the way is the only really good scene), some people jumping out of windows and a lot of dumb dialogue which can be painful.

Rating: If it was not for the fine looks of Jennifer Mischiatti and Manuela Paraodi this film would have been close to a bomb. The scares are very lacking, the film is too dark in spots, really a camera filming the whole time this shit is going down seems pretty unrealistic and the acting of the male characters was just downright awful.  If it was not for the pregnant woman scene in the bush this film would have been a flat out bomb almost and what was with Roberto Zibetti possession voice, did they use the Green Goblin as a role model?

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2/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)

Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)

Country:  Canada

Director: Jason Eisener

Main Stars: Rutger Hauer, Pasha Ebrahimi, Robb Wells, Brian Downey, Gregory Smith, Nick Bateman, Molly Dunsworth, Jeremy Akerman

Storyline:  In a world of violent crimes including the police a homeless man takes a shotgun and brings the world back to a better place.

MV5BMTcxMDkxNTMwNl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMzc5MjUzNA@@__V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): A homeless man (Rutger Hauer) is tired of seeing the streets being over taken with crime, mostly from the powers of man named Drake (Brian Downey). He steps in to defend a prostitute named Abby (Molly Dunsworth) and takes what money he has, buys a shotgun and starts to clean up the streets.

This film is nothing but over the top gore, violence and a small script of a hob with a shotgun who wants to bring the power of the people back. Right from the get go I knew I was into some shady acting and cheap plot once I saw Ricky (Robb Wells) from Trailer Park Boys in the first 5 min and to be honest I was entertained like I thought I would be.  We have some great Canadian talent appearing off and on in this film including even an appearance from George Stroumboulopoulos (nice skate death).

We have everything from one liners, shotgun shots, blown guts, burning children, topless women beating people with baseball bats, lots of heads rolling, Drug dealers, pimps, Santa Clause pedophiles, prime low dollar acting, cheesy music, the beautiful Molly Dunsworth, violent fun and over the top red blood splashing. If you like blood this is the film is a god damn ocean of it.

Rating: This film is over the top and very entertaining from start to finish. There was not much in this film where I was bored even though the plot was weak and the acting was pared. But I think that’s what made this film so much fun. This film has some of the best one liners, my personal favorite was “First I need to wash this guy’s ass off my face”. This is a pure drinking bloody gory senseless horror film! Drink up with some classic Canadian horror!

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8/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Black Roses (1988)

Black Roses (1988)

Country:  USA

Director: John Fasano

Main Stars: John Martin, Sal Viviano, Julie Adams, Carla Ferrigno, Carmine Appice, Karen Planden, Robin Stewart

Storyline:  80s metal band comes to town to converts teenagers into demons.

MV5BMTIxNzY5MjMwNl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNjk2MTQ1MQ@@__V1_UY268_CR3,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): Ahhh the 80s, when the evil of metal started to become popular and lost its charm in due time. We have a film that set in what was going on with music in the late 80s, metal was evil, teenagers loved it and it was the message of the devil. The film bases itself around the music era of its time with even its own little PMRC.

The story starts with the intro the rubber mask demon band called The Black Roses with the leader of the band and cult a handsome mullet man named Damien (Sal Viviano).  In this the teens are excited that the band decided to play a whole opening week in a small town and the parents and PTA are in an up roar. The band plays (cheesy 80s bad metal) and starts to convert the teens into bad asses and demons that are obsessed with the band. Only the local creepy school teacher can stop it!

Man this film is trapped in the 80s as we have more jeans, hair spray, mullets, boatshoes, bad metal ballads, rubber masks, demon voices, some good old nudity (yeahhh!!!), a neat speaker eating someone, cool throat slit, car hitting body with sound effects, a shooting, boiling records, 80s babes, pentagrams, throw out the window, burning classic super hero figures (ekkk!), laying rubber, nasty ashtray to the head and some poor acting. We have the typical stalker creepy school teacher (he even has a pictures of his students in his livingroom), good girl, bad girl and the too bad to be bad boy. Some nice appearances from drum legend Carmine Appice and an opening of Lizzy Bordens “Me against the world” nice touch!

Rating: This film is so bad and dated that I could not stop watching it. This films acting is very bad and the scenes on the streets are funny as nobody is on them but the characters! The band is shameful and lame (different vocals on each song) and make Manowar look like they wear suits for a living. This film was not great and very cheesie but with all the nudity and sexual in your window the film was entertaining enough. Drink to Damien!

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5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)

Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)

Country:  USA

Director: Henry Joost, Ariel Schulman

Main Stars: Stephen Dunham, Katie Featherston, Matt Shively, Kathryn Newton, Brady Allen, Alexondra Lee, Brendon Eggertsen, Aiden Lovekamp

Storyline:  The disappearance of Katie and Hunter continue and this time a young female teen is caught in the middle of the supernatural experience.

MV5BNjAxMzM0MjYwM15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjMwMjAyOA@@__V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): So the story of the now classic Paranormal Activity continues as the spooky Katie (Katie Featherston) returns and moves next door to a normal family of 4. We have the soccer mom (Alexondra Lee), the dick of a husband (Stephen Dunham), the young cute but typical teen girl (Kathryn Newton) and a young boy (Aiden Lovekamp). Out of nowhere a strange boy (Brady Allen) with socks and sandals needs to stay with the family because his mother has been taken away because she is sick. Once the boy enters their lives all strange things start to happen and it is affecting the young brother and the older teen daughter and boyfriend try to figure it all out by videotaping it all.

Ok this series has been going on forever. I did not find the first one amazing and I’m still shocked that this series has a strong following as it is pretty much the same thing in ever film and really…how people tape every single moment of their lives? We have the typical jumps, screams, dropping shit, walking kids in the dark, the creepy Katie and lots of shots of the young Alex which actually makes you feel like a dirty old pervert watching this film. The acting is actually not bad but there was too much of the same old in this film. You can’t keep using the same pulling by the feet scares when your into the forth entry of a series. It really starts to become old.

Rating: This movie was not slow but it was the same thing over and over with way to much why wouldn’t you. Like why wouldn’t you look back at the tapes during the whole event? Why wouldn’t you call the police? Why wouldn’t you tell the boyfriend to fucking knock and get the hell out of the fridge? Why wouldn’t you call the police/child services and say why is this strange boy living in my house as they just moved in? Why wouldn’t you tell your daughter to smarten up and calm down on the hormones and dump the boyfriend who tapes you sleeping? The only person/thing in this film that made total sense was the cat….so drink every time you see the cat!

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4/10 Beers!

Yacker

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The Mole People (1956)

The Mole People (1956)

Country:  USA

Director: Virgil W. Vogel

Main Stars: John Agar, Cynthia Patrick, Hugh Beaumont

Storyline:  A group of archaeologists discover a civilization underneath a glacier.

MV5BMTM5NjQ3NjI5N15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwOTQ3NjAzMQ@@__V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): In Asia a group of archaeologists start a dig to discover a missing and lost dynasty. After a earthquake the lost city gets discovered (I know what’s the chances!) and they come upon an ancient temple.  Sure the discover can change in the way we saw our history with this long forgotten race but the high priest Elinu wants them destroyed!

Low budget and monster movie time! This film is filled with bad acting and stiff but we have the beautiful and charming Cynthia Patrick and some pretty cool mole people. The film is slow but the storyline is detailed and I have to honestly say that I thought the look of the mole people was pretty cool.  You actually have to be a monster film lover of the drive-in 50s era to get the jest of the film, but my thoughts are the monster is memorable. Great cave scene and the ending is not what you would expect.

Rating: I personally think The Mole People is a classic 50s monster film as the creatures are memorable (even if rubber) even if the acting is painful.  I think if you enjoyed the Creature from the Black Lagoon series you might have some interest in this film. Grab some beers, love the monsters and fear the fires of Ishtar!

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5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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The Grudge 2 (2006)

The Grudge 2 (2006)

Country:  USA

Director: Takashi Shimizu

Main Stars: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Amber Tamblyn, Arielle Kebbel, Takako Fuji, Sarah Roemer

Storyline:  3 stories collide into the curse as it continues.

MV5BMjE3NDIxMDc2MF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTg2MTkzMQ@@__V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): We have three different tales going on at the same time in this new entry of The Grudge series. A young woman (Amber Tamblyn )deals with some supernatural forces while searching for her missing sister (Sarah Michelle Gellar) in Tokyo, a high school prank goes horrible wrong and a woman with a secret pass moves into a apartment building in the city of Chicago. The first storyline is the main story as we have Aubrey trying to track down what happened to her sister Karen (see the first film) and the reasons of the curse.

The beginning of the film is extremely weak and boring but if you can get past that the film does have a creepy vibe and it is darker then the first film. The film did the same thing as the first film with the noises and the typical long haired ghost girl/boy who after a while you have to admit no longer becomes scary, typical noises and fuzzy pictures yet again. Another fault of the film (for me anyways) man Sarah Michelle Gellar role was small. It almost felt like cash grab like Drew Barrymore in Scream.

Rating: nothing much like the original series of Ju-on this American version is trying to keep cashing in on the series and the Hollywood types that like the same thing over again and again so they can hear their own screams in the theater. We have hot babes like Sarah Michelle Gellar, Amber Tamblyn and Arielle Kebbel but there is nothing really new here and the mix of the three stories does not make sense in the long run as your main focus because the story of what happened to Karen.  It’s not a bad film but after a while you do seemed to get bored over the same shit over and over.

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5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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