Mama (2013)

Mama (2013)

Country:  USA

Director:  Andy Muschietti

Main Stars:  Jessica Chastain, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Megan Charpentier, Isabel Nelisse

Storyline:  A uncle inherits two young girls that have been left in the woods after the death of their father.

Review (Spoils): Annabel (Jessica Chastain) is young wanna be rocker who lives with Jeff (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau). When Jeff gets the two young girls Victoria and Lilly (Megan Charpentier, Isabel Nelisse )after they have been found in the woods years after the death of their father. Annebel was not ready to be child caregiver and better yet when Jeff gets injured and needs medical care she is really alone. But is she alone, the young girls start to talk to a being known as Mama.

The film starts off kind of slow with a car accident and the young girls fending for themselves after the father is missing. The girls a little primal and need caring but they prefer the being known as Mama. Who is Mama and where is Mama is another story.

Not much gore and blood in this film. It goes more on the storyline and haunting strangeness of the girls. The film focuses almost too much on Annabel and her childish attitude then actually Mama. But the real problem of this film is the fucking CGI the last 20min of the film is very painful! The film was not bad and then it fell apart with cheezy CGI yet again.

Rating:  Another victim of CGI in the Horror world. Too bad as the film had something going for it….

3/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich (2018)

Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich (2018)

Country:  USA

Director:  Sonny Laguna, Tommy Wiklund

Main Stars:  Thomas Lennon, Jenny Pellicer, Nelson Franklin

Storyline:  The puppets are up for auction and something evil has re-animate them again to go on a killing spree.

Review (Spoils): Edgar (Thomas Lennon) has had a tough go at life and returns back to his childhood home. He comes across one of the old puppets that his brother use to have in a box. He tries to sell it for money at a 30th anniversary of Toulon. As he and some comic book friends (Jenny Pellicer, Nelson Franklin) join forces on this road trip all hell breaks loose as the puppets come to live and start to kill everyone in their path.

The film jumps away from the past films of the series. The storyline is rich in comedy, classic puppet action and over the top gore. The film is really not like the past ones at all. It does not lean on the Toulon storyline even though it does touch it a bit. Most of the film focuses on the trio of friends battling off the evil puppets as they slaughter everyone else. The deaths are memorable and way over the top (like the beheading where the guy pisses on his own head).  Lots of blood, gore and over the top body count is what to be expected from the film. But do not expect the standard mystic feel of the past films. For this even though it could be seemed as a fresh new take past fans might feel it is not a real Puppet Master film.

The film brings back the classic puppets like hook, miss leach, pinhead, jester, torch and driller. Some new puppets have joined the group also such as the funny looking frog one, the wolf and the red skull one.

Rating:  Being a fan of the classic films this one was not quite what I was expecting. The good is lots of gore and I did not mind the comedy. The bad is the film was not serious enough as in the past films and I miss Toulon. There should have been more Toulon and a little more background on characters that were being slaughtered.

6/10 Beers!

Yacker

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The Conjuring II (2016)

The Conjuring II (2016)

Country:  USA

Director:  James Wan

Main Stars:  Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Madison Wolfe, Bonnie Aarons

Storyline:  A family’s daughter is being haunted by a demon presence and need help.

Review (Spoils): The Warrens (Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson) return as they travel to help a family after a desperate call for help as their youngest daughter (Madison Wolfe) seems to be possessed. When they arrive as usual they need to convince everyone that it is real and not another fake parole trick. During this whole speak in deep voices and flying stuff Vera also see’s Patrick’s death in a vision. What is the deal with the old man haunting the young girl and what is the connection of the Marilyn Manson nun (Bonnie Aarons) to it all?

This film does not stray far from the first one except the hauntings are done better. The nun is the star of the film to be honest and kept me intrigued. We have floating kids, stuff flying, some deep haunting voices, possession and a couple creepy parts. The one thing about this film that was missing was I was not frighten or weirder out at all.

Rating:  It could be me, but I find all these haunting films confusing and I do get them mixed up as I watch them. But this one I did not mind and enjoyed the nun a lot, the makeup was done great. The Warrens are an interesting lot and I really would not mind if they kept the series going. Sure, it had some faults like why would a demon give their true name out in any way?  Unlike some of the other haunting films series.

7/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Terrifier (2017)

Terrifier (2017)

Country:  USA

Director:  Damien Leon

Main Stars:  Jenna Kanell, Samantha Scaffidi, David Howard Thornton, Catherine Corcora, Pooya Moheseni

Storyline:  A crazy clown is stalking and slaughtering people for fun

Review (Spoils): Art the Clown (David Howard Thornton) is the strong silent type, but he likes to kill people just for fun. Art is a terrifying blood mess and will not stop his fun games. As a group of young ladies run into him in the dark streets he starts to stalk one of them named Tara (Jenna Kanell). As things start to become a bit more weird he decides he done with the flirting and time to make them pay and everyone else that gets in his way.

Art the Clown is one bad mother fucker. He is dressed as a black and white clown and scary as hell. He never talks and has no fear of getting his hands dirty and having a little sample of his kills. This film created a whole new horror villain and he stands out large much like his teeth.

Terrifier is not for the weak of heart that is for sure. This is one messed up film that never stops on the blood and gore.  We have a clown that would eat the one from IT for breakfast! We got lots of blood, gun shots, stabbings, slashings, a crazy over the top hacksaw scene which will make any female cringe, eyes gouging, beheadings, body skin graph wearing, nudity and I can go on and on.. this is a freaky blood fest!

The acting is not that bad for a low budget film and to be honest Jenna Kanell was well worth the watch on her own. But to be honest outside of Jenna Kanell hotness Art the Clown stole the show. He is what we need in horror a new horror icon that stands out and I want more!

Rating:  Damien Leon thank you! This film had me suckered in at the 5min mark and I was glued to the screen the whole time and was disappointed when it ended. Its been a while since a horror film grabbed my attention like that. If you seem to enjoy what I have from ratings in the past do yourself a huge favor and grab this one! Thank you again Damien Leon for Art and for Jenna Kanell and Samantha Scaffidi well done sir. One of the best I have seen this year.

8/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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Leatherface (2017)

Leatherface (2017)

Country:  USA

Director:  Alexandre Bustillo, Julien Maury

Main Stars:  Stephen Dorff, Lili Taylor, Sam Strike, Vanessa Grasse, Sam Coleman, Finn Jones, Jessica Madsen, James Bloor, Nathan Cooper

Storyline:  The story of Leatherface’s childhood past is told

Review (Spoils): The film starts out explaining why the police force and the people in the county fear the Sawyers family. Verna (Lili Taylor) the mother of the madness loses her children including Leatherface who at this point is Hal (Stephen Dorff). The film goes into the mental hospital where they finally break loose and take a sexy nurse (Vanessa Grasse) with them. As the runaway and kill off people on this path of freedom we see connection of none other Nubbins (Nathan Cooper). The truth is told about why Leatherface becomes the monster he is.

This film screams like it was directed by Rob Zombie but not in a bad way. I am a hardcore Sawyer fan and it takes a lot for me to hate a Texas Chainsaw film and this one was not bad. Sure, its got another in the past storyline and with a film in this series it does become confusion which order they stand and how many different begins could we have? The only thing this film was missing in the end was it should have shown him walking to a slaughter farm, so it would show some continuity.

We some chainsaw action (but not much), lots of blood, some gore, gunshots, slashing, stabbing, some tormenting and none stop weirdness as it is the Sawyers!

Rating:  Rob Zombie should be honored that they stole of The Devil Rejects feel for this film as he stole form the series to begin with, House of 1000 Corpses. Sure, the film is not as great as the first two original ones, but it does make a come back from the last one which was a teeny bop nightmare. Also Lili Taylor surprised me, she rocked the role!

From a die hard fan of the series thank you for bringing some life back to the series!

Lets keep making them!

6/10 Beers!

Yacker

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The Poltergeist of Borley Forest / American Poltergeist II (2013)

The Poltergeist of Borley Forest / American Poltergeist II (2013)

Country:  USA

Director:  Stephen McKendree

Main Stars:  Marina Petrano, Christopher Ingle, Rhea Rossiter, Nicholas Barrera

Storyline:  A young girl is being haunted since a party in a forest.

Review (Spoils): This one that is even more confusing than the first film. We have a teenage girl who goes to a forest party and since she is being stalked by a man who is creepy in his own way and seeing strange things. With the help of her friends and her brother she tries to figure out the history and the connection to herself.

So, the acting is better but man this story line is slow and boring. We have like no action except some creepy dude trying to get laid for the first hour. Do not expect scares or very little blood (in a flashback) as there is just a lot of talking and semi bad acting. The deaths are off screen and just more chats. The parents are horrible actors and this film will make you sleep!

The film goes by a number of different titles like American Poltergeist II and You Will Love Me.

Rating:  Why the Hell would they tie in a name of a second one when the first one was so bad. At least if you are trying to resurrect the series go out with a bang of gore and scares. Not yet another boring story line which has no real background or even connection to the first film. This is actually equal if not worse than the first film (yes, the acting is better) but man it is fucking boring. Even with the original titles, this film is bad. The only thing going for it the Lindsay Lohen lookalike Page (Marina Petrano).

2/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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American Poltergeist (2015)

American Poltergeist (2015)

Country:  USA

Director:  Michael Rutkowski

Main Stars:  Simona Fusco, Donna Spangler, Aaron Lee, Nicole Holland, Ashly Green Elizabeth, Nikole Howell

Storyline:  A bunch of stupid teenagers rent a place to go to school that is haunted by the ghost of Lizzy Borden.

Review (Spoils): We have a bunch of cute girls that can not act renting a massive mansion for a stoned out Zoe. Which by the way is haunted by the ghost of Lizzy Borden and things are pretty damn boring for the next hour and half.

The acting of this film is bad… like real bad. The dialogue cannot hold the movie and man you need to drink to keep with the slow pace and bad lines. This film should have been a porn and then it may make sense, but this film was just god awful. The acting is total laughable, the lines are head shake worthy, the girls are cute, and most kills are off the camera… so not much going for it.

Not even Lizzy was worth it! So many things bad about this storyline. “like a long time ago in 1992” really for fuck sakes it was not that long ago. Three cars not starting at once we better wait till morning and get a mechanic. Oh wait your not my sister? Massive house but two girls room together? What’s the deal with Simona Fusco? Nobody was naked in this whole film when its this bad? What kind of pool party was that….? Wow boring! This film is horrible!

Rating:  What’s worse than this film? There is a second one which I will review later. This film should have been a porn….. must drink lots to get by it. Its got some babes but no nudity so that’s a fail for a film this bad.

1/10 Beers!

Yacker

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