Housebound (2014)

Housebound (2014)

Country:  New Zealand

Director: Gerald Johnstone

Main Stars:  Morgana O’Reilly, Rima Te Wiata, Glen Paul Waru, Ross Harper, Cameron Rhodes, Ryan Lampp

Storyline:  A young teenager gets sent back home at house arrest. While there she feels that her family home is haunted.

MV5BMTUxNTA5NTAzM15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwODE2NDkyMjE@__V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): We have that rebellious teenage Kylie (Morgana O’Reilly ) who has never learned. She likes to drink, do drugs; cause shit and rob bank machines. She gets caught and she is sent to her family home under house arrest. She does not try to connect with her mother or her father and pretty much uses them until she starts to go nuts that there is an evil presence in the family home. Toys start to talk to her and she loses her mind till she finds out she not living in there alone.

This movie was sold as a funny yet scary horror film so I held low hopes for it and I was kind of proven right. This movie started out okay and then it fell flat boring with the talking toys and the back and forth between herself and the creepiness of the house. The plus side of the film was that it did not shine on the blood and gore when it was time but by that time I was lost and just tried to keep focused. We have spraying blood, choking, haunting toys; exploding heads, a semi rip off from the People Under the Stairs and at least some good acting.

Rating: This film from what I have read has a huge following but personally I don’t get it. The film was not horrible but at the same time it was not great. The blood and gore was there and with Morgana O’Reilly I could not decide if she was attractive or not as it depended on the scene. I was really leaning on for a ghost story and instead of got something that was neither lacking nor not that funny.

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5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Ichi the Killer (2001)

Ichi the Killer (2001)

Country:  Japan

Director: Takashi Miike

Main Stars: Tadanobu Asano, Nao Ohmori, Shin’ya Tsukamoto, Paulyn Sun

Storyline:  A yakuza enforcer trying to find is boss and a madman killer with bladed boots meet head on.

MV5BMTY0MDg2NzE2NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzQ1MTQyMQ@@__V1_UY268_CR2,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): A yakuza enforcer with massive scars on his face and love for torture named Kakihara (Tadanobu Asano) is trying to find his missing boss. He goes through a ton of people by beating them and torturing them to find out what has happened. During this search they come across a killer named Ichi (Nao Ohmori). Well Ichi is different he gets off on blood (literally) and he wears these fancy blade boots which he roams around slitting and cutting people up. Ichi starts to take out the yakuza till they finally have a showdown at the end. Who will win?

This film is very over the top for blood, gore and special effects. Some of them are really good and some of them are cheesie. But this film is not lacking in action and body parts. We have the blades of Ichi cutting everything up in a million pieces and slitting some nasty throats and we have Kakihara torturing people to the point that it makes Saw look like a child’s game.

There is so much death and blood in this film I can’t name of the deaths but man we have everything from nipple slicing, to throats gashed, pulled off arms, faces lifted off, looks of chains and hooks, women beatings, sex and even some good old fashion getting off from killing people. Nothing is lacking or forgotten in this film. Oh and we have the very long legged and beautiful Paulyn Sun.

Rating: The above film is not for everyone! This is over the top graphic gore, sex and torture. Exploitation is not lacking in this gem and now I can see why horror fans rave about this being one of the bloodest films very made.Do not expect jumps and scares in this film instead prepare yourself to cringe and feel disgusted……. definite and oddball for sure.

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7/10 Beers!

Yacker

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The Last House on the Beach (Le Settima Donna) (1978)

The Last House on the Beach (Le Settima Donna) (1978)

Country:  Italy

Director: Franco Prosperi

Main Stars:  Florinda Bolkan, RayLovelock, Flavio Andreini, Sherry Buchanan, Stefano Cedrati, Laura Tanziani, Laura Trotter, Karina Verlier, Luisa Maneri

Storyline:  A small group of armed men invade a beach house that is occupied with a group of ladies and takes them hostage.

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Review (Spoils): A small group of men shot up a place and rob it. They escape and run off to an area where they just happen to find that is loaded with young women and ran by a nun. The men drink, have their way with the girls as they enjoy the location till the final end when the women have their revenge and escape.

Does this movie ring a bell? It should as it is another exploitation film along the lines of the classics The Last House on the Left and The Last House on the Edge of the Park. We have some not so great acting, some beautiful ladies, a group of men that never had a chance, some scenes that don’t who much but leave it for the imagination on what is actually happening, gunshot wounds, a nasty stick scene and some weird camera work on emotions.

Rating: Not as good as the films mentioned above but it still fits the same group with title and storyline. We have the beautiful Sherry Buchanan, Florinda Bolkan and Karina Verlier being tortured and the final scene is actually memorable as the girls lay down the beats! Not a classic like the others but it still fits the horror exploitation list.

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5/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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Deathgasm (2015)

Deathgasm (2015)

Country:  New Zealand

Director: Jason Lei Howden

Main Stars: Milo Cawthorne, James Blake, Kimberly Crossman, Sam Berkley, Daniel Cresswell, Delany Tabron, Stephen Ure

Storyline:  Two death metal teens play music and resurrect the devil himself, leading demons to walk the town as they jam to a hidden message.

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Review (Spoils): Misfit Brody (Milo Cawthorne ) never fit and when he gets sent to his uncles in a small town as a metal head it becomes even worse. After dealing with some dick bullying he finds a new friend Zakk (James Blake) and they becomes friends and start a band. With all this they come across a long forgotten metal singer killer Rikki Daggers (Stephen Ure) in which they get hold of some lost lyrics. The sound actual becomes a ritual that unleashes an evil entity called the Blind One. Demons start to walk the town as they music is unleashed.

The film delivers metal, babes, some nudity, some corpse make up, demons and some serious over the top blood. We have chainsaws, axes and all kinds of weapons even dildos. Lots of blood and gore to go with the music on this one.

Rating: If you like your horror with a cup of laughs this one is for you. If you do not understand the metal cultures (totally get it and actually could relate on some levels) then this might not be for you. If you have a weak stomach for blood then just leave the site….hahahahaha. We have a fun tale of two young metalheads , the beautiful Kimberly Crossman and Delany Tabronand lots of blood to share with this one.

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6/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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Flesh Eating Mothers (1988)

Flesh Eating Mothers (1988)

Country:  USA

Director: James Aviles Martin

Main Stars: Robert Lee Oliver, Donatella Hecht, Neal Rosen, Valorie Hubbard, Carolyn Gratsch

Storyline:  A disease spreads that turns cheating house wives into cannibals.

MV5BMTIwMzk4MjY1MV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwOTEzOTc5__V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): Ok a sexual transmitted disease spreads through the small town in which women who had children only get affected. We learn that these house wives and moms turn into cannibals and an urge for flesh. After some deaths, children fleeing and some medical tests the truth comes out that it was spread by having sex.

The classic gives us some of the worse acting you have ever heard, blood, gore, arms being chewed, penises are being eaten and even babies! This film screams low dollar and 80s which makes it a great horrible film. Do not expect any grade A in this and you shouldn’t with this title anyways.

Rating: Ever watch a film that is so bad that it’s funny? If the answer is No skip this title if the answer is Yes maybe check this out….. Its moms that eat people!  Oh and you will need a few drinks to get through it!

 

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4/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Final Destination 3 (2006)

Final Destination 3 (2006)

Country:  USA

Director: James Wong

Main Stars: Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Ryan Merriman, Kris Lemche, Alexz Johnson, Gina Holden, Chelan Simmons, Crystal lowe, Amanda Crew, Esctasia Sanders, Maggie Ma, Jesse Moss, Sam Easton

Storyline:  Death tries yet again to knock some teens on a roller coaster ride but they have a vision and escape so now death is pissed.

MV5BMTg2MzI0MzczOF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzAyODExMw@@__V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): The storyline is pretty much the same as the last two. We have the young beautiful people of Hollywood in a film in which they are all having fun and a teen has a vision and does something to save people for the disaster happens. Death gets pissed off because it got cheated so it starts to knock each young person off on by on in order of sequence it should of happen.

A roller coaster ride is involved in this one, lots of gore, clues on how people are to die, lots of blood and the CGI is semi okay but it is noticeable unfortunate. James Wong is great and you can tell he had his hands on this one as we reinvented the same wheel from the first film but the twist of death actually playing a game with the teens is a nice interesting twist.

Rating: I’m going to be honest when I first watched this film I was not expecting much as I normally hate Hollywood horror films and being the 3rd in a series I thought it would be lacking. It actually was not bad for the 3rd film in a series.  It’s entertaining and the deaths are laughable….so grab some beers and enjoy!

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6/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Donnie Darko (2001)

Donnie Darko (2001)

Country:  USA

Director: Richard Kelly

Main Stars: Jake Gyllenhaal, Jena Malone, Mary Mc Donnell, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Daveigh Chase, James Duval , Patrick Swayze, Jenna Malone

Storyline:  A troubled teen has visions of a scary bunny that sets his mind to commit crimes.

MV5BMTczMzE4Nzk3N15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNDg5Mjc4NA@@__V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): Donnie (Jake Gyllenhaal) is one messed up kid. He does not get along with his family, school and classmates only to his one true friend Gretchen (Jenna Malone). Oh wait sorry he gets a long pretty good with a ghostly bunny that visits his visions and mind. Donnie has named this strange bunny Frank (James Duval) which started to appear after a freak accident involving a plane and his bedroom.  Frank is soft spoken creepy bunny man that visits off and on and tells Donnie what to feel and do. Okay creeped out yet?

This eerie film has a little bit of everything for film watchers; we have some horror, thrills, dark moods, a troubled teen and great imagery. The film is like a piece of dark art and it needs to be viewed with a open mind and it is not be served to you on a plate to understand. The bunny alone is worth the watch.

Rating: If you have not seen this film you need to check it out as it is an acid trip all on its own and it is pretty messed up. The movie has a very dark feel and nothing says fun like a bunny tells you to do evil things. Don’t expect gore or over the top blood with this one, expect your mind to go “whoa what was that I just watched” I love those types of horror films. Fear Frank……fear the bunny!

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7/10 Beers!

Yacker

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