You’re Next (2011)

You’re Next (2011)

Country:  USA

Director: Adam Wingard

Main Stars: Sharni Vinson, Nicholas Tucci, Wendy Glenn, AJ Bowen, Joe Swanberg, Margarget Laney, Amy Seimetz, Ti West, Barbara Crampton

Storyline:  During a families wedding anniversary party a group of men in masks start to terrorize the family.

mv5bmtqwodaxmte1nf5bml5banbnxkftztcwntq0mjy3oq__v1_ux182_cr00182268_al_Review (Spoils):  A man and his wife have invited their siblings and their loved ones to come to an old mansion that help celebrate their wedding anniversary. What everyone does not know is the neighbors next door have already been slaughtered by someone in a mask that leaves messages in blood saying You’re Next. Through this we gain some character development, some conflict between the sons, some background on the family and money and of course a few killers roaming around in animal masks that are not afraid by any means on getting their hands bloody.

We have a topless scene in the first 2 min, lots of red blood, nasty axes, crossbows, glass cuts, some serious throat cuts, nails in the foot, some head smashes and a actual cool plot and storyline. We have the beautiful Sharni Vinson as our scream queen and the actual people used in this film are normal not you type Hollywood crap setup.

Rating: This film was sooo much fun! It was a total bloody mess and I was entertained actual through the whole damn thing. It’s been awhile since I enjoyed a horror film this much and it was over top gory. Think The Strangers meets the goriest thing and this sums this film up!

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8/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Stage Fright (2014)

Stage Fright (2014)

Country:  Canada

Director: Jerome Sable

Main Stars: Minnie Driver, Meat Loaf, Allie Macdonald, Douglas Smith, Brandon Uranowitz, Melanie Leishaman, Steffi DiDomenicantonio

Storyline:  A group of singers are being cursed by a play production on stage.

mv5bmtu0odewnjq4ml5bml5banbnxkftztgwmdq4otmzmte__v1_ux182_cr00182268_al_Review (Spoils): Remake time again but this time it is one of my sacred favorites and I will try to review this will an open mind. So what do you get when you mix Glee with a horror film you get the Stage Fright remake silly!

This movie starts off with a flashback where we have the beautiful Kylie Swanson (Minnie Driver) being the scarlet of a play and she gets killed off with a nasty bloody slashing and since the play has been cursed. From there was flash the teeny bop future where we have nonstop singing, teen conflict, sexual in your window scenes and a young shy Camilla (Allie Macdonald) trying to be the star her mom once was.

Lots of blood flow in this one and we have some unique kills and to be honest the silly singing made this film very different and fun. This film is exactly what it is suppose to be a bloody fun time. Sure some of the characters are annoying and paper thin but they built the main characters enough to even the film. We have sexy scenes, a madman in a white mask killing everything in a whacked voice, lots of blood, some fun scenes, Meat Loaf as the stage producer, cute Allie Macdonald and Steffi DiDomenicantonio walking around in stockings throughout the film!

Rating: I normally hate remakes but this one was so far off from the classic with the owl mask killer that I took this like a separate film. If you want to see something that is cheezie and fun and a bloody mess than Stage Fright might be for you!

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6/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Burial Ground (1981)

Burial Ground (1981)

Country:  Italy

Director: Andrea Bianchi

Main Stars: Karin Well, Gianluigi Chirizzi, Simone Mattioli, Pietro Barzocchinini, Mariangela Giorddano,

Storyline: A crypt gets opened and the zombies rise and attack a group of people in a nearby mansion.

mv5bmja5odqxmtm4ml5bml5banbnxkftztywntk2mdg5__v1_Review (Spoils): Professor Ayres finds some ancient texts and opens a crypt which unleashes an evil which makes the dead within walk again. Zombies start to pour out and head to a manor where a group of young people are staying (to protect themselves).  The undead keep coming and slowly work their way into the manor killing them one by one.

The zombies are not the scary part of this film, the little boy Michael (which is not played by a boy, Pietro Barzocchinini) is. He loves and connection to his mother is over the top and some of the scenes are uncomfortable. We have lots of gory zombies, bodies being ripped, eyes popping, incest, nudity and some classic feel much like the film Zombi. Like I said before the characters of Pietro Barzocchinini, Mariangela Giorddano is the scariest!  Exploitation at its finest!

Rating: I personally do not know where to start but if you’re a horror fan and love the Italian horror like myself you need to see this film. The violence of the zombies in the film is extreme and fun and the gore never stops. Plus the creepiness of this film just leaves a dry and awful taste in your mouth. Gore and sleaze ………….I’m sold!

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7/10 Beers!

Yacker

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The Green Slime (1968)

The Green Slime (1968)

Country:  Japan

Director: Kinji Fukasaku

Main Stars: Robert Horton, Luciana Paluzzi, Richard Jaeckel

Storyline:  A giant asteroid is heading for Earth so they use a nearby space station to help blow it up but during the process some green slime gets tracked into the station.

mv5bytbjogrmodktmwixmc00mmi1lthmmgitotq3otm1ntcxyzrmxkeyxkfqcgdeqxvyntc4njg5mja__v1_Review (Spoils): Get ready for a unique storyline; there is an orange asteroid that is heading towards the Earth. We must destroy it before it destroys us.  We have two hunky astronauts who are battling for the sexy space station nurse (Luciana Paluzzi,) and leadership of the mission.  The mission becomes a success but they dragged some green slime into the space station which then grows into Dungeon and Dragons like red eyed ropers that feed off of electricity. Oh and when they bleed green slime they populate….. Ok.

That pretty much narrows up this cheesy space flick. We have some bad acting, some craziness when it comes to special effects, rubber monsters and of course the barely clad sexy space nurse Lisa. This film is not scary by any means and actually laughable and unwatchable.

Rating: If it was not the low special effects (like the yellow lasers, the fight scene involving hospital beds and a power rolls of action) this film would have totally bombed. The storyline and dialogue was horrible.  I will give it a beer also for the sexy space nurse. Pass on this one……………..

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2/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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The Mummy (1959)

The Mummy (1959)

Country:  UK

Director: Terence Fisher

Main Stars: Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Yvonne Furneaux

Storyline:  The tomb of Princess Ananka has been invaded and since a mummy is stalking the ones involved.

mv5boty3nji3nzk0of5bml5banbnxkftztgwmta4ntq2mze__v1_ux182_cr00182268_al_Review (Spoils):  A bunch of archaeologists discover a hidden untouched tomb (not sure how they could of missed yet) of the late Princess Ananka (Yvonne Furneaux). When they enter the tomb they get cursed by an Egyptian local and her lost high priest (Christopher Lee) who is now a mummy comes back to life to haunt and terrorize those people that entered the tomb.  3 years later the relics of the tomb get transferred to England and so does the mummy and he continues his terror upon the ones that despoiled the ancient tomb.

This film is messed up in storyline, we start with what is happening in Egypt, then scroll over to England and then have 20min of a flash back before the time in Egypt and then once again thrown into the present. Peter Cushing is playing the part of the son even though he is 100 years old. Christopher Lee plays the high priest and the mummy which is not bad. The make-up is actually well done and I like the way the monster moves but the plot and story is pretty weak.

Rating: I usually enjoy a good Hammer Horror film but this one seemed weak. Christopher Lee was good as the monster but the rest of cast did not cut it for me. Even Yvonne Furneaux seemed lacking for a Hammer film which normally the leading ladies are all over the script. It just felt to setup and forced to be entertaining.

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3/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)

Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)

Country:  USA

Director: Henry Joost, Ariel Schulman

Main Stars: Lauren Bittner, Chloe Csengery, Jessica Tyler Brown, Christopher Nicholas Smith, Katie Featherston

Storyline:  The childhood of Katie is retold through video tapes

mv5bmtk0mtqzodqzov5bml5banbnxkftztcwmdq2nzq3ng__v1_ux182_cr00182268_al_Review (Spoils): The film starts with Katie (Katie Featherston) and her sister and her husband going through some old junk and coming across Katie’s birthday video tape. From there we learn of her childhood through the same video camera and tape style as the other films where there is a paranormal entity that is grabbing, shaking and stunning people that come across its path. We have more of 80s feel in the background of this but at the same time it really is just the same stuff.

It’s the same song and dance as the last bunch except Katie is young and it is more around her parents. We have the hot Lauren Bittner this time playing the mother and how she is being horrified by the evil ghost and how it is conquering her young daughter Katie (Chloe Csengery). Some same jumpy parts, same camera and to be honest the same damn story except we learn about more about the past of where the evil may of came from. The only difference is we had Lauren Bittner smoking a joint and looking sexy in a bedroom scene.

Rating: I’m going to be honest I really do not get the hype of this series. Even the first one was not that great…. who are these people that think these films are scary? You have no idea what a scary fucked up film really is. This series is not it. The film is not bad but it’s not great either and can be boring if you have seen the others because you have a fair idea how it’s going to go.

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4/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Horror Hotel (1960)

Horror Hotel (1960)

Country:  UK

Director: John Llewellyn Moxey

Main Stars: Patricia Jessel, Dennis Lotis, Christopher Lee, Betta St. John, Venetia Stevenson

Storyline:  A young woman takes a winter vacation in Whitewood while studying on the topic of witchcraft, what she does not know is that she has stumbled upon a coven.

mv5bnda4mta5mje0n15bml5banbnxkftztgwnjmwmdkwmze__v1_uy268_cr90182268_al_Review (Spoils): A professor recommends that the young and beautiful student Nan (Venetia Stevenson) should settled in Whitewood to take some time to study on her topic of witchcraft.  She comes across an old inn called Raven’s Inn to have her stay and she meets the caretaker Mrs. Newlis (Patricia Jessel).

As she is there she starts to see connections of her studies that what is happening around her such as celebrations of Candalmas Eve and the 13th hour. Oh and the truth of the spirit of the late witch Elizabeth Selwyn.

This film is heavy on the goth and heavy on the fog. The feel of the film is not much on the talk but leans on the scenery as we have the innocent Venetia Stevenson roaming around the village and hotel and trying to get a grasp on the nightmare slash dreamy visit she is having. Not sure how she did not put it all together with the noise of chanting at night and the dead birds but anyways. Patricia Jessel character screams witch but anyways this all slips past everyone in the film.

We got dead birds, fog, crucifixes, old books, chanting, some daggers, the lovely Venetia Stevenson in stockings (while reading in bed alone because that’s what all ladies do), Christopher Lee as a side character and some nasty holy fire!

Rating: This film is not bad but at the same time it has its flaws as some of the funny are actually funny on how people react to things. Is it a classic? Not sure of that but at the same time it was a nice little witchcraft film. The scene of Venetia Stevenson being dragged and captured sure is classic in its own right for horror, plus Iron Maiden used some of the scenes for the Bring Your Daughter to the Slaughter video.

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6/10 Beers!

Yacker

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