Horns (2013)

Horns (2013)

Country:  USA

Director: Alexandre Aja

Main Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Max Minghella, Joe Anderson, Juno Temple, Kelli Garner, James Remar, Kathleen Quinlan, Heather Graham

Storyline:  Following the murder of his girlfriend a young man gains the powers of evil.

MV5BMTQ2Nzk5NzIxMF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNTM2NTc5MjE@__V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils):  A young man named Iggy (Daniel Radcliffe) wakes up to the find out that he is the suspect of the nasty death of his long time girlfriend Merrin (Juno Temple). He wakes up having horns growing out of his head and learns that nobody believes him that he is innocent in the small town.  With the growth of the new horns he learns that he can influence people and read their true thoughts. In all this madness he needs to find out who killed his girlfriend and claim his innocence.

Not really a horror film that I would normally review or even watch but this supernatural film intrigued me with its storyline and the blood is there. We have a young romance murder mystery with some serious fun with the horns and the clear display of people’s sins in his mind. We have blood, snakes, horns, some nudity, some okay CGI, gunshot wounds and a little bit of gore.

Rating: Not to ruin the film too bad I think people should check this film out. It is strange and it’s like the Needful Things storyline but more supernatural and for a younger newer generation. The acting is very well done, the graphic could have been more believable but the writing was good. Check this little film out if you haven’t as some horror fans will find it interesting enough and then know why I reviewed it.

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7/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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Jacob (2011)

Jacob (2011)

Country:  USA

Director: Larry Wade Carrell

Main Stars: Larry Wade Carrell, Grace Powell, Dyaln Horne, Dustine Lane, Krystn Caldwell

Storyline:  A story of a young man who has revenge over the protection of his family.

MV5BMjI2ODU3NDMwNV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTYyMTgwNQ@@__V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): We have a story that retells the tale of a broken down house and why little kids should not play near there. We learn in the past a story of a husband who went mad and killed a number of people and then his estranged wife decides to get involved in an abusive relationship and her son Jacob does everything in his power to protect his sister Sissy and mother.

The film was okay but it lacked a lot of plot details like why it is all happening and the connection of the house, the book and the old lady. The make-up for the elder people was bad, but the gore and blood was done right. The movie greets us with characters that we hate such as Otis the abusive drunk (Larry Wade Carrell), some that we feel sorry for like Jacob (Dyaln Horne) and Sissy (Grace Powell )and some that are just very bad actors like Edith (Krystn Caldwell ) and Max(Joe Grisaffi). Lots of gore involved as Jacob is a powerhouse with ripped off arms, gun shots, ass shots, beer cans, red blood, machetes, axes, head shots and lots of insides exposed.

Rating: The storyline is filled with questions which is not a good thing. The acting was bad except for the select few as mentioned above but if you have 1.5 hours to kill and want to see some not bad gore effects then go for it. But if you skip this film you are not missing much as it is far from a classic. Krystn Caldwell was just too unbelievable to enjoy as the main actress.

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4/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Chain Letter (2009)

Chain Letter (2009)

Country:  USA

Director: Deon Taylor

Main Stars: Nikki Reed, Keith David, Brad Dourif, Michael Bailey Smith, Cherilyn Wilson, Cody Kasch, Betsy Russell, Madison Bauer

Storyline:  An email chain letter if deleted causes a murderous madman with chains to come and kill you.

MV5BOTU4MDE4MDE2OF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDQ0Njg4Mw@@__V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): Okay so it took till 2009 for Hollywood to do a movie on an email chain letter leading to death.  This is a typical teenage horror film where people are young, horny and addicted to their flip phones (yes flip phones…!). Someone receives a chain letter email and forwards it off to four people and if someone decides to delete it a big man comes with chains to kill you.

We have young teenagers that don’t give really a rats ass about each other (you will notice this once they start to drop off the face of the Earth), we have chains, we have lots of blood and gore, flip phones, some breasts, a crazed storyline that somehow involves a cult and Betsy Russell playing a horrible cop.

The acting from the young people was not bad and the gore and blood was actually not bad in this film. I really did enjoy the character Cody Kasch played. The main actress Nikki Reed was good looking and she were not bad but some of the storyline/writing kind of made it unreal.

Rating: This film was actually better than I thought it would be but at the same time it was not great. Typical teenage film with teenage topics and it tries to nail technology as evil and root of all evil along with an unexplained burnt face madman (Michael Bailey Smith) with chains.

But the gore was good!

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5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Back From Hell (Ex inferis) (2011)

Back From Hell (Ex inferis) (2011)

Country:  Italy

Director: Leonardo Araneo

Main Stars:  Giovanni Araneo, Aran Bertetto, Giovanni Guidelli, Jennifer Mischiatti, Manuela Paraodi, Roberto Zibetti

Storyline:  Some ex classmates decide to rent a manor house in the countryside which has a resident priest. After the first night things start to get out of hand.

MV5BNzYxMDU2NTAwOF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNTgyNjA2MDE@__V1_UY268_CR9,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): We have six friends that decide to head the countryside for a vacation with a video camera (my god people in horror films are addicted to these things) to an old manor house. When they get there after some annoying banter in the car they realise that a priest (Giovanni Guidelli) resides in the manor. After meeting the priest they decide hey why not create and play with an Ouija board and bring upon some spirits, after that the stay goes to shit.

Six people that seem to know each other but act like they are fourteen (one of them being pregnant) are in a manor doing stupid stuff, including filming it all when a demon starts to slowly possess them one by one. That is the sum of this film. We have lots of weird noises, jumpy camera work, painful acting, some blood, a cool scene in the woods (which by the way is the only really good scene), some people jumping out of windows and a lot of dumb dialogue which can be painful.

Rating: If it was not for the fine looks of Jennifer Mischiatti and Manuela Paraodi this film would have been close to a bomb. The scares are very lacking, the film is too dark in spots, really a camera filming the whole time this shit is going down seems pretty unrealistic and the acting of the male characters was just downright awful.  If it was not for the pregnant woman scene in the bush this film would have been a flat out bomb almost and what was with Roberto Zibetti possession voice, did they use the Green Goblin as a role model?

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2/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)

Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)

Country:  Canada

Director: Jason Eisener

Main Stars: Rutger Hauer, Pasha Ebrahimi, Robb Wells, Brian Downey, Gregory Smith, Nick Bateman, Molly Dunsworth, Jeremy Akerman

Storyline:  In a world of violent crimes including the police a homeless man takes a shotgun and brings the world back to a better place.

MV5BMTcxMDkxNTMwNl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMzc5MjUzNA@@__V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): A homeless man (Rutger Hauer) is tired of seeing the streets being over taken with crime, mostly from the powers of man named Drake (Brian Downey). He steps in to defend a prostitute named Abby (Molly Dunsworth) and takes what money he has, buys a shotgun and starts to clean up the streets.

This film is nothing but over the top gore, violence and a small script of a hob with a shotgun who wants to bring the power of the people back. Right from the get go I knew I was into some shady acting and cheap plot once I saw Ricky (Robb Wells) from Trailer Park Boys in the first 5 min and to be honest I was entertained like I thought I would be.  We have some great Canadian talent appearing off and on in this film including even an appearance from George Stroumboulopoulos (nice skate death).

We have everything from one liners, shotgun shots, blown guts, burning children, topless women beating people with baseball bats, lots of heads rolling, Drug dealers, pimps, Santa Clause pedophiles, prime low dollar acting, cheesy music, the beautiful Molly Dunsworth, violent fun and over the top red blood splashing. If you like blood this is the film is a god damn ocean of it.

Rating: This film is over the top and very entertaining from start to finish. There was not much in this film where I was bored even though the plot was weak and the acting was pared. But I think that’s what made this film so much fun. This film has some of the best one liners, my personal favorite was “First I need to wash this guy’s ass off my face”. This is a pure drinking bloody gory senseless horror film! Drink up with some classic Canadian horror!

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8/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Black Roses (1988)

Black Roses (1988)

Country:  USA

Director: John Fasano

Main Stars: John Martin, Sal Viviano, Julie Adams, Carla Ferrigno, Carmine Appice, Karen Planden, Robin Stewart

Storyline:  80s metal band comes to town to converts teenagers into demons.

MV5BMTIxNzY5MjMwNl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNjk2MTQ1MQ@@__V1_UY268_CR3,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): Ahhh the 80s, when the evil of metal started to become popular and lost its charm in due time. We have a film that set in what was going on with music in the late 80s, metal was evil, teenagers loved it and it was the message of the devil. The film bases itself around the music era of its time with even its own little PMRC.

The story starts with the intro the rubber mask demon band called The Black Roses with the leader of the band and cult a handsome mullet man named Damien (Sal Viviano).  In this the teens are excited that the band decided to play a whole opening week in a small town and the parents and PTA are in an up roar. The band plays (cheesy 80s bad metal) and starts to convert the teens into bad asses and demons that are obsessed with the band. Only the local creepy school teacher can stop it!

Man this film is trapped in the 80s as we have more jeans, hair spray, mullets, boatshoes, bad metal ballads, rubber masks, demon voices, some good old nudity (yeahhh!!!), a neat speaker eating someone, cool throat slit, car hitting body with sound effects, a shooting, boiling records, 80s babes, pentagrams, throw out the window, burning classic super hero figures (ekkk!), laying rubber, nasty ashtray to the head and some poor acting. We have the typical stalker creepy school teacher (he even has a pictures of his students in his livingroom), good girl, bad girl and the too bad to be bad boy. Some nice appearances from drum legend Carmine Appice and an opening of Lizzy Bordens “Me against the world” nice touch!

Rating: This film is so bad and dated that I could not stop watching it. This films acting is very bad and the scenes on the streets are funny as nobody is on them but the characters! The band is shameful and lame (different vocals on each song) and make Manowar look like they wear suits for a living. This film was not great and very cheesie but with all the nudity and sexual in your window the film was entertaining enough. Drink to Damien!

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5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)

Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)

Country:  USA

Director: Henry Joost, Ariel Schulman

Main Stars: Stephen Dunham, Katie Featherston, Matt Shively, Kathryn Newton, Brady Allen, Alexondra Lee, Brendon Eggertsen, Aiden Lovekamp

Storyline:  The disappearance of Katie and Hunter continue and this time a young female teen is caught in the middle of the supernatural experience.

MV5BNjAxMzM0MjYwM15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjMwMjAyOA@@__V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_Review (Spoils): So the story of the now classic Paranormal Activity continues as the spooky Katie (Katie Featherston) returns and moves next door to a normal family of 4. We have the soccer mom (Alexondra Lee), the dick of a husband (Stephen Dunham), the young cute but typical teen girl (Kathryn Newton) and a young boy (Aiden Lovekamp). Out of nowhere a strange boy (Brady Allen) with socks and sandals needs to stay with the family because his mother has been taken away because she is sick. Once the boy enters their lives all strange things start to happen and it is affecting the young brother and the older teen daughter and boyfriend try to figure it all out by videotaping it all.

Ok this series has been going on forever. I did not find the first one amazing and I’m still shocked that this series has a strong following as it is pretty much the same thing in ever film and really…how people tape every single moment of their lives? We have the typical jumps, screams, dropping shit, walking kids in the dark, the creepy Katie and lots of shots of the young Alex which actually makes you feel like a dirty old pervert watching this film. The acting is actually not bad but there was too much of the same old in this film. You can’t keep using the same pulling by the feet scares when your into the forth entry of a series. It really starts to become old.

Rating: This movie was not slow but it was the same thing over and over with way to much why wouldn’t you. Like why wouldn’t you look back at the tapes during the whole event? Why wouldn’t you call the police? Why wouldn’t you tell the boyfriend to fucking knock and get the hell out of the fridge? Why wouldn’t you call the police/child services and say why is this strange boy living in my house as they just moved in? Why wouldn’t you tell your daughter to smarten up and calm down on the hormones and dump the boyfriend who tapes you sleeping? The only person/thing in this film that made total sense was the cat….so drink every time you see the cat!

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4/10 Beers!

Yacker

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