Category Archives: Haunting

The Conjuring II (2016)

The Conjuring II (2016)

Country:  USA

Director:  James Wan

Main Stars:  Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Madison Wolfe, Bonnie Aarons

Storyline:  A family’s daughter is being haunted by a demon presence and need help.

Review (Spoils): The Warrens (Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson) return as they travel to help a family after a desperate call for help as their youngest daughter (Madison Wolfe) seems to be possessed. When they arrive as usual they need to convince everyone that it is real and not another fake parole trick. During this whole speak in deep voices and flying stuff Vera also see’s Patrick’s death in a vision. What is the deal with the old man haunting the young girl and what is the connection of the Marilyn Manson nun (Bonnie Aarons) to it all?

This film does not stray far from the first one except the hauntings are done better. The nun is the star of the film to be honest and kept me intrigued. We have floating kids, stuff flying, some deep haunting voices, possession and a couple creepy parts. The one thing about this film that was missing was I was not frighten or weirder out at all.

Rating:  It could be me, but I find all these haunting films confusing and I do get them mixed up as I watch them. But this one I did not mind and enjoyed the nun a lot, the makeup was done great. The Warrens are an interesting lot and I really would not mind if they kept the series going. Sure, it had some faults like why would a demon give their true name out in any way?  Unlike some of the other haunting films series.

7/10 Beers!

Yacker

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The Poltergeist of Borley Forest / American Poltergeist II (2013)

The Poltergeist of Borley Forest / American Poltergeist II (2013)

Country:  USA

Director:  Stephen McKendree

Main Stars:  Marina Petrano, Christopher Ingle, Rhea Rossiter, Nicholas Barrera

Storyline:  A young girl is being haunted since a party in a forest.

Review (Spoils): This one that is even more confusing than the first film. We have a teenage girl who goes to a forest party and since she is being stalked by a man who is creepy in his own way and seeing strange things. With the help of her friends and her brother she tries to figure out the history and the connection to herself.

So, the acting is better but man this story line is slow and boring. We have like no action except some creepy dude trying to get laid for the first hour. Do not expect scares or very little blood (in a flashback) as there is just a lot of talking and semi bad acting. The deaths are off screen and just more chats. The parents are horrible actors and this film will make you sleep!

The film goes by a number of different titles like American Poltergeist II and You Will Love Me.

Rating:  Why the Hell would they tie in a name of a second one when the first one was so bad. At least if you are trying to resurrect the series go out with a bang of gore and scares. Not yet another boring story line which has no real background or even connection to the first film. This is actually equal if not worse than the first film (yes, the acting is better) but man it is fucking boring. Even with the original titles, this film is bad. The only thing going for it the Lindsay Lohen lookalike Page (Marina Petrano).

2/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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American Poltergeist (2015)

American Poltergeist (2015)

Country:  USA

Director:  Michael Rutkowski

Main Stars:  Simona Fusco, Donna Spangler, Aaron Lee, Nicole Holland, Ashly Green Elizabeth, Nikole Howell

Storyline:  A bunch of stupid teenagers rent a place to go to school that is haunted by the ghost of Lizzy Borden.

Review (Spoils): We have a bunch of cute girls that can not act renting a massive mansion for a stoned out Zoe. Which by the way is haunted by the ghost of Lizzy Borden and things are pretty damn boring for the next hour and half.

The acting of this film is bad… like real bad. The dialogue cannot hold the movie and man you need to drink to keep with the slow pace and bad lines. This film should have been a porn and then it may make sense, but this film was just god awful. The acting is total laughable, the lines are head shake worthy, the girls are cute, and most kills are off the camera… so not much going for it.

Not even Lizzy was worth it! So many things bad about this storyline. “like a long time ago in 1992” really for fuck sakes it was not that long ago. Three cars not starting at once we better wait till morning and get a mechanic. Oh wait your not my sister? Massive house but two girls room together? What’s the deal with Simona Fusco? Nobody was naked in this whole film when its this bad? What kind of pool party was that….? Wow boring! This film is horrible!

Rating:  What’s worse than this film? There is a second one which I will review later. This film should have been a porn….. must drink lots to get by it. Its got some babes but no nudity so that’s a fail for a film this bad.

1/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Stephanie (2017)

Stephanie (2017)

Country:  USA

Director:  Akiva Goldsman

Main Stars:  Shree Crooks, Frank Grillo, Anna Torvo

Storyline:  A young girl is alone after a mysterious global crisis battling against an unknown evil entity.

Review (Spoils): Stephanie is home all alone except with her stuffed turtle named Franklin and her dead brother. The questions are where is everyone, what has happened and what are the strange shadow things that haunt her that she is hiding from?

Stephanie is a strange little film that has you asking the above questions over and over until about a little over half way through as the story line starts to show its light. The problem is I personally like the story line I had in head better (as you are guessing) more than the actual story itself.  Shree Crooks steals the show of the film that is for sure and the father would be a close second, Frank Grillo. Not sure if it was the lack of character build or just Anna Torvo but it was not believable.  Do not expect blood and gore at all as the film relies on the secret of what is really happening and the shadow creature so to speak.

Rating:  Honestly this film leans on Sci-Fi way more than horror. Sure, it has some unknown evil entity to it, but it was unbelievable that it became space like. This film could of went a few ways in the story line revel but unfortunate for me it was not a path I would of took as the final story. But like said before it was worth watching once and Shree Crooks played the character very well even outside of the crappy CGI.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Lights Out (2016)

Lights Out (2016)

Country:  USA

Director:  David F. Sandberg

Main Stars:  Teresa Palmer, Gabriel Bateman, Maria Bello, Alexander DiPersia, Alicia Vela-Bailey 

Storyline:  A family ghost known as Diana has come home to haunt the remaining family

Review (Spoils): Rebecca (Teresa Palmer) has been looking after her younger brother (Gabriel Bateman) as he has been lacking in sleep and the mother (Maria Bello) is off and on the deep end. As they try to dig deeper on what is bothering young Martin they learn that there is a connection to the mother Sophie and a long-lost entity known as Diana.

This film is basically a daughter who hates her mother and wants to prove that her mom is nuts along with a dark past of a ghost like demon known as Diana (Alicia Vela-Bailey) haunting the young boy. The film has some jumping scares, a deep scratchy voice ghost, some bites and claws marks, dark lights, no lights and a gun shot and lots of off the scene or too dark kills.

The movie has a lot of similarities to the film Session 9 to me. The story line starts feeling like a boogeyman type tale but than about half way through it starts to peel along to the root cause. The problem with this film is a couple items. No real blood or gore which could have been a nice little add and the second issue is spew of the history of Diana. Once again, a horror film spew too much info into the film within 15min of looking up a box in an attic.

Rating:  This film was not bad to be honest it had a decent story line and looking at Maria Bello and Teresa Palmer was not hard either. The focus villain of Diana was an interesting touch and I can see this becoming a new horror icon of this era. Sure, the film felt rushed but overall it’s a nice little creepy tale.

6/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Rings (2017)

Rings (2017)

Country:  USA

Director:  F. Javier Gutierrez

Main Stars:  Matilsa Anna Ingrid Lutz, Alex Roe, Johnny Galecki, Vincent D’Onofrio, Aimee Teegarden, Bonnie Morgan

Storyline:  A school study of the soul leads back to the tape and the history of Samara’s mother

Review (Spoils): The film opens with the storyline of Gabriel (big surprise on the name played by Johnny Galecki) talking students one by one to watch the tape so that he can the be shot of the discover of the soul. This leads the young Julia on a hunt for her missing boyfriend as he watched the tape. She confronts the teacher and a fellow student named Skye (Aimee Teegarden) and starts to learn that there is more to this than finding her boyfriend.

This film started off actually okay with the school storyline and the babe Aimee Teegarden but then it started to run off the rails as they hunt for the body of Evelyn, Samara’s mother. Once you get the point of priest so the movie runs into a sadness of boredom and no shit Sherlock! The idea was great at the beginning as it gave the series a bit of a Hellraiser type feel and then it just became another generic too much information on the history storyline. The marking on the hand also was a bit of stretch.

We have videotapes, electronic format now of the video, Samara, black wet hair, car wreck, some blood, screaming, a little okay scene of hair out of the mouth, Samara coming out of laptop and of course lots of flashy scenes of the video. Not much on the scares as a lot of it has been done before.

Rating:  Like stated above this film had a great idea and storyline and then it went lazy. It took the easy way out and started to tell a tale that nobody really gives a rat ass about. Whole series has been around Samara we do not need a huge storyline why her mother treated her like crap and killed her. Plus, you killed Aimee Teegarden near the beginning of the film. Eye candy gone and shitty change in storyline makes this film lacking.

4/10 Beers!

Yacker

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The Forest (2016)

The Forest (2016)

Country:  USA

Director:  Jason Zada

Main Stars:  Natalie Dormer, Eoin Macken, Stephanie Vogt

Storyline:  A woman goes to Japan to find her lost twin sister and enters a forest that is known as Suicide Forest.

Review (Spoils): Sara and Jess Price has a tough childhood after their parent’s death. Jess witnessed it and Sara turned away. One of the twins became dark as the other became lighter. When Jess disappears her sister, Sara decides to travel to Japan to find her and tracks lead to the Suicide Forest.

The forest is kind of lacking its has some backstory and flashbacks and the basic don’t stay in the woods after the night or you will see things and die. Or also the lame don’t walk off the path hint. The movie itself was not horrible and Natalie Dormer is entertaining but there were not enough scares (or any) and the fall in a hole and flips back and forth was kind of known what was really happening. This film was predictable and dragged on to long to get to the actual whole point of the film.

We have green forests, dark forest, a hole (surprise) some back and forth on what is real and what is not. Of course haunting children, some blood and a nasty hand wound, stabbing and drama that really I could not care about. Why would a twin sister who could not give a shit about her sister all of sudden give a shit because she may dead..??? Sounds pretty lame to me.

Rating:  When two strangers become best friends over night and exposes their darkest secrets within 4 hours I call bullshit. And this is what exactly this film did and they lost me after that. (which was half through the film). The forest had some great scenery but the frights were not there. But if you like looking at Natalie Dormer you will be ok for the 1.5 hours.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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