Tag Archives: 5 Beers

Anitbirth (2016)

Anitbirth (2016)

Country:  USA

Director:  Danny Perez

Main Stars:  Natasha Lyonne, Chloe Sevigny, Meg Tilly, Mark Webber, Maxwell McCabe-Lokos

Storyline:  A struggling drug addicted wakes up from a night of party with a strange illness.

Review (Spoils): Lou (Natasha Lyonne) is a struggling drug addict and hangs around mostly with street walkers and drug addicts.  After a wild of night of partying and not remembering she and her friends Sadie (Chloe Sevigny) try to find out why she has been feeling so strange. Is she pregnant or is there something more wrong happening? After possibly being pregnant, struggling with body changes, mind trips and of course indulging in drugs and booze Lou life starts to spin. Also, to add to the mix the wandering Lorna (Meg Tilly) who seems to know too much comes to her door and the truth starts to unfold.

This film is a bit of trip itself. Not sure if it was the drugs, the use of red and purple lighting, the rubber baby monster or the fuzzy fun zone apes but man this film was all over the place. The storyline jumps right in but it was slow run to get to the point. Some of the graphic were nice and gross like the belly, the classic foot scene and the picking of skin but there were long gapes of just conversation in between that it seemed longer than it should have been. Natasha Lyonne and Chloe Sevigny did a great job playing out their characters but I hard time getting into Meg Tilly’s. It just lacked info or backstory. There could have been more scares and gore , hell even more fuzzy apes would be fun!

Rating:  Overall the film was okay and entertaining. Chloe Sevigny is a joy to watch and Natasha Lyonne always plays a good junkie (Orange is the New Black). The ending felt a bit rushed as there was much going on in the final 20min and it was a bit cheesy, but overall the film was not bad. I was expecting a lot worse but they could of cut down on the dialogue and gave us more trippy apes.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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The Forest (2016)

The Forest (2016)

Country:  USA

Director:  Jason Zada

Main Stars:  Natalie Dormer, Eoin Macken, Stephanie Vogt

Storyline:  A woman goes to Japan to find her lost twin sister and enters a forest that is known as Suicide Forest.

Review (Spoils): Sara and Jess Price has a tough childhood after their parent’s death. Jess witnessed it and Sara turned away. One of the twins became dark as the other became lighter. When Jess disappears her sister, Sara decides to travel to Japan to find her and tracks lead to the Suicide Forest.

The forest is kind of lacking its has some backstory and flashbacks and the basic don’t stay in the woods after the night or you will see things and die. Or also the lame don’t walk off the path hint. The movie itself was not horrible and Natalie Dormer is entertaining but there were not enough scares (or any) and the fall in a hole and flips back and forth was kind of known what was really happening. This film was predictable and dragged on to long to get to the actual whole point of the film.

We have green forests, dark forest, a hole (surprise) some back and forth on what is real and what is not. Of course haunting children, some blood and a nasty hand wound, stabbing and drama that really I could not care about. Why would a twin sister who could not give a shit about her sister all of sudden give a shit because she may dead..??? Sounds pretty lame to me.

Rating:  When two strangers become best friends over night and exposes their darkest secrets within 4 hours I call bullshit. And this is what exactly this film did and they lost me after that. (which was half through the film). The forest had some great scenery but the frights were not there. But if you like looking at Natalie Dormer you will be ok for the 1.5 hours.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Sinister 2 (2015)

Sinister 2 (2015)

Country:  USA

Director:  Claran Foy

Main Stars:  James Ransone, Shannyn Sossamon, Robert Daniel Sloan, Dartanian Sloan, Lea Coco

Storyline:  A separated woman and her two child stay at a haunted house that once was part of the sinister cult.

Review (Spoils): The beautiful Courtney is on the run with her two boys from her abusive husband. They shack up into one of the old haunted houses that was part once of the sinister cult. (See first film). Strange things start to happen to the young boys as one of them starts to see and talk the haunting children and starts to watch films created by them on killing their parents to please the demon Bhughul.

This film started off pretty all right with the chase and wonder what Courtney is really running away from.  The second part of the story with people looking into the hauntings and tracking down all the old buildings of the sinister cult. The problem with this is he looks like the dude from The Office and it really was not very exciting. The best part of the film was the actress Shannyn Sossamon as she held the film and her character was interesting but the rest of the characters were assholes that you wanted to die, lacking or over the top CGI (the kids of the cult were done bad).

This film gives us more details on the sinister cult, video tapes, burnings, a real stupid rat scene with some blood, bad CGI kids and house fire, the classic Bhughul and some electrical burning. This film lacked on scares and wasted time on stupid cheap CGI.

Rating:  The first film was a classic for this age of horror but this sequel was disappointing, If you do not have money to do good special effects than you do not have enough money to do a film. I am extremely tired of lazy CGI that looks cheap and shitty. Thank god, for Shannyn Sossamon saving this film, if I did not know better I would think it was a Children of the Corn film.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Scream Blacula Scream (1973)

Scream Blacula Scream (1973)

Country:  USA

Director:  Bob Kelljan

Main Stars:  William Marshall, Don Mitchell, Pam Grier, Lisa Fortier

Storyline:  A voodoo cult has some internal issues so they resurrect Blacula to fix them.

Review (Spoils): Blacula (William Marshall) has returned as an internal disagreement happens in a voodoo cult on who should be the new leader after the elderly woman dies (yes this is the plot).  One man is so fit in rage of not being chosen he digs up the bones of Blacula and brings him back to make them pay. Of course, from the get go Blacula bites him and makes him one of his spawn. During which Blacula works his way through the female members of the cult until he has a large grouping of spawns. However yet again Blacula falls in love with one member (Lisa Fortier) and this weakness ends his life again.

Much like the first film of the series, we have bright red blood marks, some smashed windows, some seductive neck biting, some jive talking, pimps, bad Blacula make-up, some cool vampire spawn make-up and a horrible storyline.  At least this round Blacula has dropped the growling noises but some of the story if just whacked. A prime example of this is when they discuss the possibility of a vampire existing, while Blacula sits in the room like a normal man but in his black and red cape. (Can’t make this shit up)

Rating:  I personally believe this is the last movie of this series and I can see why. This was a bad plot and the film is very laughable. The movie is pretty much the same as the first one except you have some more voodoo involved. The film is not horrible but I was expecting more in this sequel than what I saw. Blacula was okay but I was much more interested in his vampire spawn as the make up on some of the characters was good for its time. This film is still as cult classic as the series holds its own.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Zombeavers (2014)

Zombeavers (2014)

Country:  USA

Director:  Jordan Rubin

Main Stars:  Rachel Melvin, Courtney Palm, Lexi Atkins, Hutch Dano, Jake Weary, Peter Gilroy

Storyline:  A group of young teenagers go to the woods to stay and are attacked by zombie beavers.

Review (Spoils): Well nothing says Christmas like Zombeavers! Actually, they have nothing in common, so let’s begin. We have a group of horny young girls that travel to the woods to get away from men and the internet. They just happened to be followed by their horny boyfriends and they all join in the woods. While that happened we have a spill into the river in which pollutes the water and creates zombie beavers. Everyone, including the small dog must run for his or her lives!

Occasionally I like to unplug my serious thoughts and unwind with straight retardedness and this is a great example of it. We young hot and horny girls that show their breasts (one at least anyways, thank you Courtney Palm,), stupid males that think only with their penis, a small dog that is thrown to the wolves (or beavers in this case), lots of blood, lots of furry killer beavers that can jump, axes, knives, some whacky beaver people zombies, funny tree chomping and a weekend without any dope! This film has it all but the dope and a serious storyline.

Rating:  If you have an hour or so to kill, this film is a good start. The film was nice cross of Cabin Fever meets Black Sheep. (Not the Chris Farley one) We have some lovely women and some crazy puppets and make up. The beavers make the film by far, as their glowing eyes are the best.  In addition, I love the scene where it drags for far too long with Lexi Atkins on the island in the kitchen battle a beaver in a bikini. (Small exploitation). This film is not be taken serious and it was an okay ride.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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Filed under Killer Animals, Zombie

The Mystery of the Wax Museum (1933)

The Mystery of the Wax Museum (1933)

Country:  USA

Director: Michael Curtiz

Main Stars: Lionel Atwill, Fay Wray, Glenda Farrell

Storyline: Bodies are disappearing and it all points to a famous wax museum

Review (Spoils): Ivan Igor (Lionel Atwill) gets into a financial fight with his business collaborate Worth and he burns down the building along with Igor. Time passes and the museum re-opens under new ownership. At this time, period bodies start to disappear and the frisky Florence (Glenda Farrell) is snooping for the hot story for the newspaper on it.

This nice little who did it thriller, no blood, no gore but just creepiness. The movie is based mostly on plot and the creepiness of the wax sculptures themselves and the melting of them and possibility of bodies hidden underneath. For example the Joan of Arc one is a classic scene and really gothic.

Rating: The movie is actually fast paced and mostly sticks to the story of Florence racing around getting him big story with the help of the police. The movie moves around that mostly and has the scenery of the wax sculptures and strange characters as Igor grows in a love interest with his assistant’s girlfriend Fay Wray).  Seeing this film was done in 1933 and you can tell by the script as some of characters had hard talking and heavy shaking dialogue.

 

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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Blacula (1972)

Blacula (1972)

Country:  USA

Director: William Crain

Main Stars: William Marshall, Vonetta McGee, Denise Nicolas

Storyline: An African prince get cursed by Dracula and comes back from the dead to LA during the 70s.

Review (Spoils): Manuwalde (William Marshall) is an Africa Prince and after his visit with Count Dracula goes wrong, he is killed and cursed by the vampire to come back to life as the undead. Even Dracula names him under the curse Blacula.  Time shifts to 1972 in LA, the coffin is transported there, and when opened by two men they unleased the evil inside. Blacula roams around biting people and stalking women until he runs into Tina in which he falls in love with but unfortunately, her friends hunt him down.

Not as Blaxploitation as I thought it would be (except the title of course), this film was an okay ride. We have groovy music, growling vampires, giant bat, some decent make-up, fangs, red blood, a solid storyline and even a love story. Some of the actual downfall of the film was the growling of Blacula (seemed a bit more bestial than vampire) and the voice of William Marshall as it came off that he was trying to sound like Christopher Lee.

Rating: This film was not as bad as I thought it would be and I can see why it has a cult following. The acting from both female leads was solid and Blacula is memorable character. I love the fact that nobody was shocked or taken away from a groovy dude in a cape checking out the local bar scene and that women found him attractive. There is a ton of 70s lingo that makes this film also enjoyable when your going through the motions.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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