Tag Archives: 5 Beers

Zombeavers (2014)

Zombeavers (2014)

Country:  USA

Director:  Jordan Rubin

Main Stars:  Rachel Melvin, Courtney Palm, Lexi Atkins, Hutch Dano, Jake Weary, Peter Gilroy

Storyline:  A group of young teenagers go to the woods to stay and are attacked by zombie beavers.

Review (Spoils): Well nothing says Christmas like Zombeavers! Actually, they have nothing in common, so let’s begin. We have a group of horny young girls that travel to the woods to get away from men and the internet. They just happened to be followed by their horny boyfriends and they all join in the woods. While that happened we have a spill into the river in which pollutes the water and creates zombie beavers. Everyone, including the small dog must run for his or her lives!

Occasionally I like to unplug my serious thoughts and unwind with straight retardedness and this is a great example of it. We young hot and horny girls that show their breasts (one at least anyways, thank you Courtney Palm,), stupid males that think only with their penis, a small dog that is thrown to the wolves (or beavers in this case), lots of blood, lots of furry killer beavers that can jump, axes, knives, some whacky beaver people zombies, funny tree chomping and a weekend without any dope! This film has it all but the dope and a serious storyline.

Rating:  If you have an hour or so to kill, this film is a good start. The film was nice cross of Cabin Fever meets Black Sheep. (Not the Chris Farley one) We have some lovely women and some crazy puppets and make up. The beavers make the film by far, as their glowing eyes are the best.  In addition, I love the scene where it drags for far too long with Lexi Atkins on the island in the kitchen battle a beaver in a bikini. (Small exploitation). This film is not be taken serious and it was an okay ride.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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The Mystery of the Wax Museum (1933)

The Mystery of the Wax Museum (1933)

Country:  USA

Director: Michael Curtiz

Main Stars: Lionel Atwill, Fay Wray, Glenda Farrell

Storyline: Bodies are disappearing and it all points to a famous wax museum

Review (Spoils): Ivan Igor (Lionel Atwill) gets into a financial fight with his business collaborate Worth and he burns down the building along with Igor. Time passes and the museum re-opens under new ownership. At this time, period bodies start to disappear and the frisky Florence (Glenda Farrell) is snooping for the hot story for the newspaper on it.

This nice little who did it thriller, no blood, no gore but just creepiness. The movie is based mostly on plot and the creepiness of the wax sculptures themselves and the melting of them and possibility of bodies hidden underneath. For example the Joan of Arc one is a classic scene and really gothic.

Rating: The movie is actually fast paced and mostly sticks to the story of Florence racing around getting him big story with the help of the police. The movie moves around that mostly and has the scenery of the wax sculptures and strange characters as Igor grows in a love interest with his assistant’s girlfriend Fay Wray).  Seeing this film was done in 1933 and you can tell by the script as some of characters had hard talking and heavy shaking dialogue.

 

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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Blacula (1972)

Blacula (1972)

Country:  USA

Director: William Crain

Main Stars: William Marshall, Vonetta McGee, Denise Nicolas

Storyline: An African prince get cursed by Dracula and comes back from the dead to LA during the 70s.

Review (Spoils): Manuwalde (William Marshall) is an Africa Prince and after his visit with Count Dracula goes wrong, he is killed and cursed by the vampire to come back to life as the undead. Even Dracula names him under the curse Blacula.  Time shifts to 1972 in LA, the coffin is transported there, and when opened by two men they unleased the evil inside. Blacula roams around biting people and stalking women until he runs into Tina in which he falls in love with but unfortunately, her friends hunt him down.

Not as Blaxploitation as I thought it would be (except the title of course), this film was an okay ride. We have groovy music, growling vampires, giant bat, some decent make-up, fangs, red blood, a solid storyline and even a love story. Some of the actual downfall of the film was the growling of Blacula (seemed a bit more bestial than vampire) and the voice of William Marshall as it came off that he was trying to sound like Christopher Lee.

Rating: This film was not as bad as I thought it would be and I can see why it has a cult following. The acting from both female leads was solid and Blacula is memorable character. I love the fact that nobody was shocked or taken away from a groovy dude in a cape checking out the local bar scene and that women found him attractive. There is a ton of 70s lingo that makes this film also enjoyable when your going through the motions.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Unrest (2006)

Unrest (2006)

Country:  USA

Director: Jason Todd Ipson

Main Stars: Corri English, Scot Davis, Joshua Alba, Marisa Petroro

Storyline: A possible spirit is killing off all that have handle or desecrated the body at the morgue.

Review (Spoils): So at the medical school we have students Alison (Corri English), Brian, Carlos (Joshua Alba) and Rick who get the body of young woman (Marisa Petroro) who seems to have been butchered for their dissection class. Alison feels a connection with the body and has a feeling she is trying to communicate with her. As Alison looks into the history of the woman, we learn that she was once a prostitute that killed off her johns. As the class and the boys become morons, she starts to kill them off one by one.

The film really focuses on the past of the mystery women and the connection with the lead Alison. We have the odd want to show skin scene (hey it’s a horror film), blood pools, some nasty cuts, haunting woman screaming and some shady video footage. Near the end, we have some gore and the actual creepy tale goes full flight.

Now the bad of the film. The stupidity of people and their actions in this film. Why are these kids still living at the hospital while all this weird shit is going on? They are fighting a curse but act like oh boy I wonder what that was I better open the door. The film lacks the thought train.

Rating: The two women of the film is what makes it along with the sounds and the creepiness that exists. The storyline (back-story) is actually nice and new but the film does have some flaws. The film is actually not bad for being part of the After Dark Horrorfest. Marisa Petroro is a memorable villain.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Filed under Haunting

Hatchet 2 (2007)

Hatchet II (2007)

Country:  USA

Director: Adam Green

Main Stars: Danielle Harris, Kane Hodder, Tony Todd, Alexis Kendra, Kathryn Fiore

Storyline: Marybeth escapes from last time from Victor Crowley and gets help to seek revenge on the bayou butcher.

Review (Spoils): The movie picks right up from the last one when Marybeth (Danielle Harris) escapes the lunatic of the swamp Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder). She digs and learns some backstory truth of her own connection to the butcher (tied to her dad) and decides she wants revenge and go back in because of the slaughter from the first film.

The film brings a recast, as we know have classic Halloween star Danielle Harris now playing Marybeth. Not sure why they changed, the actor for this film but it hurts the gel of the story but then again I do not dislike Danielle Harris. We have extra gore, a more detailed Victor Crowley, a massive chainsaw, many bodies being ripped apart, heads flying, face chopping, the classic axe and the return of Reverend Zombie (Tony Todd). This film does not shy by a full cast of classic horror legends.

Much like the first film do not expect a great over the top story that makes much common sense. This is created more for the gore hounds out there that just want to see gore, blood and some nakedness (so a good chunk of the horror community).

Rating: Want some tongue in cheek gore and blood? Well your in luck as Mr. Crowley is back and this film deliveries that. The downfall of this film is a couple of things, it is a repeat of the first film in an overall thought and the humor sometimes over comes the horror and it does become a but silly. (Cabin Fever 2 fell into this problem also). For some reason this series is a hit and miss for me.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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Phantasm 4 (1998)

Phantasm 4 (1998)

Country:  USA

Director: Don Coscarelli

Main Stars: A. Michael Badlwin, Reggie Bannister, Bill Thornbury, Heidi Marnhout, Angus Scrimm, Bob Ivy

Storyline: Starting right off from the last film Mike is traveling dimension to find the origin of the Tall Man while Reggie continues to battle the spheres, the undead, and the small people and stop the Tall Man.

Review (Spoils): The Tall Man (Angus Scrimm) is chasing Mike (A. Michael Badlwin) as he is trying to get away. Reggie (Reggie Bannister) is roaming the desert until he meets a hottie (Heidi Marnhout) to help him track down Mike. We have haunting and visions from Jody’s ghost so the whole gang is back. Much like the past films, we have eerie scenery, flashbacks, explosions, small creatures, spinning spheres with blades and spikes, guns, the Tall Man and dimension doors. (What is a Phantasm film without them)? The film starts to unfold what is behind the Tall Man without fully ruining the whole haunting and mystery. Yes they try to explain why he is not dead yet.

The one thing that is lacking in the series is the true reason why the Tall Man is after Jody and now Mike. Is it because they know too much from the first film or is there something that Don Coscarelli has not told us yet and more to come? We have Angus Scrimm returning as the Tall Man and yes, he does try to do the same impression of “Boy” that we have heard in past films.  Reggie is Reggie and we will leave it at that.

Rating: “The secret of the spheres are released, the final game has began”. Some old same old with this one and to be honest it is the weaker of the whole series. I think it could because they do not know exactly where they were going with the series and needed something to get the fans off their own backs. Still the series is a cult classic when it comes to horror so check it out.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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Hell of the Living Dead (1980)

Hell of the Living Dead (1980)

Country:  Italy

Director: Bruno Mattei

Main Stars: Margit Evelyn Newton, Franco Garofalo, Selan Karay

Storyline: A female reporter and her crew work together with some commando’s on battle the undead in the jungle.

Review (Spoils): A chemical leak (something new for zombie films lol) and it starts to turn the locals within the jungle tribes to become zombies. A commando group was created to go and investigate wheat is happening to the people of the area. A young cute reporter by the name of Lia (Margit Evelyn Newton) wants to break the story herself so she joins the commando team. Well she gets more than she bargained for as she and her army try to survive as they find out the whole land is overrun with undead.

Also known as Zombie Creeping Flesh this film is a gem when it comes to gore and zombie flicks. Sure its not as smart as the Romero or Lucio films but you have to give this film some credit for gore. We have the cute Margit Evelyn Newton playing the main character, funny moments and lots and lots of red and gore. We have cannibal zombies that roam the area and attack everything. The film is not unique or even written well but it’s a goddamn zombie movie what do you want. Its got some bad dub but man its gory as hell.

Rating: Many horror fans get mad over this film as a rip off from Dawn of the Dead but you know what its horror, its is suppose to silly and fun. Its an Italian zombie film what more do you want? We have a hot chick and lots of gore, not the best but sign me up as a classic underground gem.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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