The Babysitter (2017)
Main Stars: Judah Lewis, Samara Weaving, Robbie Amell, Hana Mae Lee, Bella Thorne, Emily Alyn Lind, Andrew Bachelor, Doug Haley, Leslie Bibb, Ken Marino
Storyline: A 11-year-old boy has a crush on his babysitter but learns the hard truth about her and her friends.
Review (Spoils): Young Cole (Judah Lewis) is a nerd and has the same babysitter all his life and still wants to have one because well he has a crush on her. One-night Cole’s parents go away yet again and hot young Bee (Samara Weaving) is needed to look after Cole. After he gets settled into bed for the night he stays up to learn that all these years she and her friends have been working out a cult that leads to sacrifices.
The movie plays of stick comedy and lots of blood much like over classic like Dead-Alive, Shawn of the Dead and Zombieland. Much like them this one does not stray far form being a classic. We have a great handful of hot babes like Cole’s mom Leslie Bibb, Bee the sitter Samara Weaving, the blonde cheerleader Bella Thorne and the odd ball goth chick with legs Hana Mae Lee. And for the rest we have shirtless Robbie Amell. Tons of blood flies in this film such as knives to the head, Poker through the head, gunshots wounds, head blown, gas explosion, nasty whatever through the neck, hangings and a car wreck that would make Christine proud. As a added bonus we have a hot kiss between Samara Weaving and Bella Thorne and a under the sheet jerk off from Leslie Bibb. The only thing missing from this film was a thicker plot background and of course some skin.
Rating: After being told by many to check this film out and I kept putting it off as don’t normally like horror with comedy, but I rest my case I liked it. Yes, it could have used some nudity and way more of Leslie Bibb on the screen (my god she was the hottest one) and the Bee character is kind of annoying to be honest. But the cheap story line and the tongue in cheek and fast gore was great enough to keep myself entertain at the horror level. Even though the film plays on the hormones throughout it was not overdone and there was enough one liners in it to keep a chuckle going.
8 / 10 Beers!
Bad Biology (2008)
Director: Frank Henenlotter
Main Stars: Charlee Danielson, Anthony Sneed
Storyline: A young man and woman are looking for sexual fulfillment and when they met it turns into a freaky and bloody love story.
Review (Spoils): Ok they only way to review this film is to spoil it so here we go. We have the young beautiful Jennifer (Charlee Danielson) who was born with seven clits, yes, I just said seven! She is impossible to satisfy because of the gender disorder (or is it a blessing?). She is such as fiend sexually and wants to finally be satisfied that sometimes she accidently kills her partners. In due time she comes across a male version much like herself name Batz (Anthony Sneed ). He does not seven penises, but he does have a monster one that goes out at night and kills and cause massive organisms. Okay are you still here?
This film has some of the crazy’s special effects of organs you will see, there is lot of blood and gore, mutant babies, wrestling penises, a jerking machine and some extreme wrongness that I could go on and on. Just watch the damn film! This is a trash classic!
Rating: If you have no idea who Frank Henenlotter is just walk away as he is one of the gods of horror trash much like Lloyd Kaufman. I personally love the grindhouse trash of horror so of course I am going to enjoy this film as I love to see stuff push the boundaries or wrongness. This is a film which I can say sits well in my collection along with Frankenhooker, Basket Case, Brain Damage or even Nekromantik. Charlee Danielson is beautiful in this film and should be cherished in the world of horror. All Hail the Queen of the 7 Clits!
8/10 Beers! (Trash factor high)
Get Out (2017)
Director: Jordan Peele
Main Stars: Daniel Kaluuya, Allison Williams, Bradley Whitford, Catherine Keener, Caleb Landry Jones, Marcus Henderson
Storyline: A young black man goes for a weekend to visit his white girlfriends’ family and it does not turn out to be a normal family reunion.
Review (Spoils): Chris (Daniel Kaluuya) and Rose (Allison Williams) heads to her parents place for the weekend for the first time to introduce him to them. He is nervous as Rose has not told them that he is black. Joking with his friend on the phone on the way up they hit a deer with the car and slowly make their way there. From the beginning Rose’s parents are awkward even her nutty brother. As the weekend goes all the family and friends come as Chris starts to feel uncomfortable around them all but when he starts to talk to the black people of the area the truth starts to unravel.
I personally heard a lot of this film but never really got into the details as I did not want to ruin it for myself. The acting is very well done, and the atmosphere of the film is extreme odd and creepy which really makes the film. The whole chunk of the film is the working of is literally Chris trying to find out what the fuck is going on and why Rose’s group of family are so weird.
When it comes blood and guts the film has not a lot to the focus of the seed of the film starts to reveal. We have a few jump scares first and like I said awkward scenes. In the end we see some nice gun shots, nasty bashes to the head, classic ramming of deer head into someone’s chest and neck and an exposed brain. The blood does flow but not till the end.
Rating: This film was a lot of fun as it was creepy like Children of the Corn with lots of racist undertones. The story has some originality to it which is very hard to find in horror, so it gets huge cheers for that and plus the scarlet Allison Williams is by no means is horrible to look at for the whole film.
Filed under Occult, Slasher
Director: Damien Leon
Main Stars: Jenna Kanell, Samantha Scaffidi, David Howard Thornton, Catherine Corcora, Pooya Moheseni
Storyline: A crazy clown is stalking and slaughtering people for fun
Review (Spoils): Art the Clown (David Howard Thornton) is the strong silent type, but he likes to kill people just for fun. Art is a terrifying blood mess and will not stop his fun games. As a group of young ladies run into him in the dark streets he starts to stalk one of them named Tara (Jenna Kanell). As things start to become a bit more weird he decides he done with the flirting and time to make them pay and everyone else that gets in his way.
Art the Clown is one bad mother fucker. He is dressed as a black and white clown and scary as hell. He never talks and has no fear of getting his hands dirty and having a little sample of his kills. This film created a whole new horror villain and he stands out large much like his teeth.
Terrifier is not for the weak of heart that is for sure. This is one messed up film that never stops on the blood and gore. We have a clown that would eat the one from IT for breakfast! We got lots of blood, gun shots, stabbings, slashings, a crazy over the top hacksaw scene which will make any female cringe, eyes gouging, beheadings, body skin graph wearing, nudity and I can go on and on.. this is a freaky blood fest!
The acting is not that bad for a low budget film and to be honest Jenna Kanell was well worth the watch on her own. But to be honest outside of Jenna Kanell hotness Art the Clown stole the show. He is what we need in horror a new horror icon that stands out and I want more!
Rating: Damien Leon thank you! This film had me suckered in at the 5min mark and I was glued to the screen the whole time and was disappointed when it ended. Its been a while since a horror film grabbed my attention like that. If you seem to enjoy what I have from ratings in the past do yourself a huge favor and grab this one! Thank you again Damien Leon for Art and for Jenna Kanell and Samantha Scaffidi well done sir. One of the best I have seen this year.
Director: Patrick Brice
Main Stars: Patrick Brice, Mark Duplass
Storyline: A videographer is hired to film a lonely man in the woods as he is dying with cancer.
Review (Spoils): A young man named Aaron from Craig’s List is hired to video tape a young man who is dying with cancer and wants to share the video with his new baby to remember him. From the get go Josef is a bit of a loose cannon as he is late for the first greeting and loves to scare poor Aaron. As time passes and the day becomes night, we learn that Josef is a bit darker and wants Aaron to spend the night. After missing keys and some drink, Aaron drugs Josef to get away. This leads to the darker world of Josef and his childhood friend known as Peachfuzz.
This film is slow at the beginning as you try to figure out the characters and why they are together in the woods. However, as time and the story builds you start to see the darker side of Josef. We are introduced to a love crush, some childhood issues and a twist of none stop lies. We learn the hard truth of meeting someone on the internet and trust.
This film is all story and scares, do not expect blood and gore at all with this film. It builds on just tension.
Rating: This is fun film and it even introduces us to a new horror villain known as Peachfuzz. It is about time someone made a film that dragged me into it and it did not need cheap CGI and over the top torture. Awesome job Patrick Brice!
Die! Die! My Darling (1965)
Director: Silvio Narizzano
Main Stars: Tallulah Bankhead, Stefanie Powers, Peter Vaughan, Yootha Joyce, Donald Sutherland
Storyline: A young woman goes to visit the mother of a past fiancé and becomes overwhelmed with her need.
Review (Spoils): Patricia Carroll (Stefanie Powers) arrives in London with her new fiancé but before she can move on she promised that she would finally meet her old fiancés Steven’s mother (Tallulah Bankhead) (he died and Patricia has moved on). She travels out of town to an old beaten down house to finally meet the woman. She is old, strong opinionated, strangely religious and obsessed with her son. As Patricia tries to survive the visit she learns that she is not leaving anytime soon and has to keep lying to survive her visit. We quickly learn that mother is not all that she portrays to be.
Die! Die! My Darling is something a little different for a Hammer Film. This film is based mostly in an old house and a broken down mind. We have the very gorgeous Stefanie Powers playing the lead victim and lady who is being held against her will and captured because a mother is insane over the loss of her son. As the truth of Patricia starts to come to light the more nuts the mother is driven. The characters and acting is extremely well done and the even the storylines between the main plot is an interesting twist. Such as the hired staff that work for the mother and what’s in it for them. The religious over tones keeps the film entertaining and there are even some funny scenes but at the same time the mood can be very dark and icky at the same time. Some bright red blood, knives, gun shots, a green dead body, a couple prayers, lots of “poor Steven”, long legs and sexiness. This film has it all.
Rating: This title has been thrown around for long time from music from the Misfits right to the creepy and classic tunes of Alice Cooper and Steven. This movie is a classic! This is the perfect ex-mother in-law has lost her mind film. Tallulah Bankhead is one scary mom and very strong headed and when she finally snaps the fun begins. This is a classic horror film that everyone should checkout very entertaining.
Turbo Kid (2015)
Director: Francois Simard, Anouk Whissell, Yoann-Karl Whissell
Main Stars: Munro Chambers, Laurence Leboeuf, Michael Ironside, Edwin Wright
Storyline: In the future we live in a wasteland lacking of water and full of destruction. A young man tries to change that.
Review (Spoils): This movie lies on the sci-fi horror line; picture Mad Max meets a Gwar show. A young man only known as the kid (Munro Chambers) is trying to survive on his own since the death of his father and mother. He collections junk to sell and survive and collects comic books of one known as Turbo Kid. When he crosses paths of his parent’s killer Zeus (Michael Ironside) and his gang of madmen he tries his hardest to be the hero he envies.
Like I stated above this movie is set in the future wasteland so do not get prepared for your standard horror film or scares. Instead prepare for a wild costume, great acting, fun storyline and buckets of spraying water filled blood. I mean buckets…………….. this film does not hold back on the gore or blood. The film has a solid cast from the young innocent man (Munro Chambers), the main bad guy Zeus Michael Ironside is awesome, the beautiful and delightful Apple (Laurence Leboeuf) and the mean mother fucker Skeletron (Edwin Wright). We have knives, guns, explosions, bodies being ripped in two, body explosions, hand being cut, arrows flying and of course saw blades that would give Blackie Lawless a run for his money.
Rating: This movie had me from the beginning right till the end. This will become a cult classic if it isn’t already trust me. Over the top gore and a fun trip of a storyline.