House of the Dead (2003)
Director: Uwe Boll
Main Stars: Jonathan Cherry, Tyron Leitso, Clint Howard, Ona Grauer, Ellie Cornell, Enuka Okuma, Kira Clavell, Sonya Salomaa
Storyline: College students go to an island for a rave and are overtaken by zombies
Review (Spoils): A group of stupid college students (even though they are old enough to be out of school) head to an island so that they can attend a rave and film it. When they get there, it does not take long to learn that the island is over taken by fast moving flesh eating zombies. As the film movies along with some very bad acting and out of this world horrible video game film pieces we learn that it is all being powered by a past zombie lord and his house of the dead.
We have some babes, some cleavage, the worse idea of placing video game footage in a film, some shitty storyline, dumb kissing scene, some ok looking zombies, slow motion scenes that you are wondering why you would do this. This film could possibly be on the list of worse of all horror time.
Rating: Ever watch a film and go man I wonder if this is good. Then while watching it you go to yourself oh no it is the rotten piece of shit film that I have been ignoring for decades? Well that is what happened to me on this one. Why in gods name would some think making a film with shitting video scenes was a great idea? Total on crack and you should not be allowed to film again crap! If it were not for Ona Grauer cleavage throughout the film, this film would be a bomb and not worth a pint.
1/10 Beers! (thanks for the cleavage Ona Grauer)
Halloween 5 (1989)
Director: Dominique Othenin-Girard
Stars: Donald Pleasence, Danielle Harris, Ellie Cornell, Wendy Foxworth
Storyline: Michael Myers survives the shooting and comes back to track down little Jamie who is now in a mental hospital for children.
Review: This continues right where number 4th movie left off. Jamie is now in a hospital and she cannot longer talk due to trauma and shock (stupid part of the film actually). Annoying Rachel is still around and visits her regularly with her friend Tina. Doctor Loomis is also still around and still predicts and over shadows the young girl as Michael Myers is root of all evil and will be back to kill her. Michael survives his last over deal and floats to a remote area where someone takes care of him (Son of Frankenstein type feel).
Michael comes back and hunts Jamie and Rachel (which he finally gets YA!) and kills off everyone that gets in his way. The movie is pretty much the same as the last one; we have stabbings, hangings, pitch forks, gardening claw and great scene involving a laundry chute. This is also the beginning of the rune symbol which leads into part 6 and explains who rescued Myers from jail in the end.
Rating: This film is your typical slasher film; we have hot babes (Wendy Foxworth and that blonde), some blood, many chase scenes and Dr. Loomis spreading his prophecy of doom.
Halloween 4 (1988)
Director: Dwight H. Little
Stars: Donald Pleasence, Ellie Cornell, Danielle Harris, George P. Wilbur
Storyline: Ten years after the Michael Myers massacre he escapes the mental hospital and returns to Haddonfield to kill his niece.
Review (spoils): Michael Myers (George P. Wilbur) escapes when he was being transferred and he heads back to Haddonfield to now kill his niece Jamie (Danielle Harris). Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence) is also back after he hears that he escaped to track him down before he gets to his young niece. Laurie Stroude is now dead and her daughter Jamie lives with her adopted family named the Carruthers and their daughter Rachel (Ellie Cornell) is her main caretaker. Michael comes back and does find Jamie after she takes off on her own on Halloween night and he kills everyone that gets in his way.
Michael is back which is nice as it just made sense to continue with him in the series. We get a thumb through the head, a dead dog, some electrical deaths, shotgun jammed through the chest and a gory throat rip. This all ends with a shootout and he falls in an old well. Jamie gets messed up through the whole ordeal and puts on the clown costume and kills her adopted mother (a nice little ode to the first film).
The film does suffer some bad acting and writing unfortunately, the Rachel character’s goody too shoes attitude can be annoying after awhile, why was there Myers masks in the store, who makes out at work, why was there a coil of cable on the roof by the chimney and yes the Brady character is a dick. So yeah there were some flaws.
Rating: Michael Myers is back so too me this is a bonus and plus this is the intro to the Jamie character which also leads Danielle Harris career in horror. Sure they killed the cop’s daughter who we all thought was hot when we were teens but the film is not that bad overall. Cheers to Michael’s comeback.