Tag Archives: Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th (2009)

Friday the 13th (2009)

Country: USA

Director: Marcus Nispel

Main Stars: Jared Padalecki, Amanda Righetti, Derek Mears, Danielle Panabaker, Aaron Yoo, Julianna Guill, Willa Ford, America Olivo

Storyline: A group of teens discover an old camp called Camp Crystal Lake which inhabited by a madman named Jason Voorhees.

MV5BMTQ5ODI5NTMzN15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzY4MTYxMg@@._V1_SY317_CR0,0,214,317_AL_Review (Spoils): A small group of young people disappear in the woods near the long abandoned Camp Crystal Lake. Another group of young people spend a weekend at a cabin nearby for sex, booze, drugs and death. A lone wolf man named Clay (Jared Padalecki) is traveling on his own looking for his lost sister Whitney (Amanda Righetti) as she was one of the missing kids. The whole thing collides when they come across a madman named Jason Voorhees (Derek Mears) who wanders the woods killing everything that comes in his way.

First off I’m very loyal to the Friday the 13th series and was totally upset over the talk of a remake and this is the reason why. The characters are pale, blank and who cares if they die…really? The whole point of the film is totally lost as the whole storyline of Jason’s mother is the reason for the series to begin with so to cut it short on that plot the movie has nothing to go on that is not in every other slasher film. Some of the kills are lame, for example the machete in the head under the dock was totally dumb. Why is everyone a redneck if they are in killer country? Why the hell would Jason kidnap a girl when he just kills everyone else and why does he have an underground setup? Why is Clay such a douche? Why does Danielle Panabaker even care for such a douche?

Rating: This film should have never been made. I would take Friday the 13th part 11 in the Arctic or something over this hunk of garbage. This is prime example why I hate remakes. If it was not for my loyalty for Jason and the hot babe Danielle Panabaker this film would have been a long and forgotten. Skip this piece of crap as it just might be the worse of the bunch which is pretty bad as space and Manhattan were no picnic on Crystal Lake.

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4/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Freddy VS Jason (2003)

Freddy VS Jason (2003)

Country: USA

Director: Ronny Yu

Main Stars: Robert Englund, Ken Kirzinger, Kelly Rowland, Monica Keena, Katharine Isabelle, Paula Shaw, Jason Ritter

Storyline: Freddy and Jason and both trapped in Hell and work together to make sure people remember their legacy.

MV5BMTI4OTg0NjkxN15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMDk3NjI3._V1_SX214_AL_Review (Spoils): Freddy (Robert Englund) is trapped in Hell and he needs to help to have the people of planet Earth to remember the legacy of his terror. He takes the image of Pam Voorhees (Paula Shaw) and confronts Jason (Ken Kirzinger) to help him. Jason is resurrected upon the Earth in small area on Elm Street where he starts to slaughter people which starts people talking that Freddy is back. Through this Freddy gains his powers back and is brought back to existence. Now the problem is nothing is stopping Jason from killing which now draws more attention and fear of Jason on Elm Street then Freddy. Now the two villains must battle for king of Elm Street.

Elm Streets kids live in the fear of falling asleep and madman with a machete! This film brings us some nasty machete slicing, bodies bent in half, Monica Keena cleave shots, beheading, a nasty Jason invades a rave scene, classic Freddy claws, Jason in Freddys dream world, the battle between Freddy and Jason and trip back to Crystal Lake. The film even has a nice little ending which is very open ended.

Rating: I do like this film even though lots of people make fun of it. It is what it is suppose to be for both series a tongue in cheek horror entertainment. I personally liked the idea and felt that some of battles and scenes were fun. I would take a Freddy Vs Jason II over the multiple remakes that ended up coming out later on. It was just missing Kane Hodder is the only thing.

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7/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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Friday the 13th 10: Jason X (2001)

Friday the 13th 10

Country: USA

Director: Victor Miller

Main Stars: Kane Hodder, Lexa Doig, Jeff Geddis, Lisa Ryder, David Cronenberg

Storyline: The body of Jason Voorhees in found in the 25th century and is awakened by some overly interested passengers of a spaceship.

MV5BMTQ3NjA5NjcyNl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMzg5NjQ5__V1_SY317_CR3,0,214,317_AL_Review (Spoils): Yes here it is Jason in space……sigh.

So set in the future when Earth is nothing but a junkyard and nobody can live on it anymore. A small group of adventurers receive two frozen bodies and defrost them. Well one of them is Jason Voorhees the maniac killer from Crystal Lake. Jason then awakens and starts to slaughter the whole crew on the ship. We learn that Jason was frozen because the government had no other way of destroying or stopping the madman. During the battle he gets a cyborg upgrade due to a battle within the medical station of the ship.

This film has some terrible acting but the film delivers the following. We have machete action as usual, impaling, back breaking, throat slits, lots of shooting, head chopping, head punching, cyborg nipples and of course a sex scene. Ending it all with a holographic simulation of Crystal Lake and sending Jason there as a fallen star.

Rating: The acting is horrid; this is pretty much the lowest budget in film for the series as even the film work is amateur. We knew this was bound to happen as almost every other main horror character of the 80s era went to space at some point. One if not the worst of the series right here. Thank god for Freddy VS Jason.

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3/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Friday the 13th 9 (1993)

Friday the 13th 9 (1993)

Country:  USA

Director:  Adam Marcus

Main Stars: John D. LeMay, Kari Keegan, Kane Hodder, Erin Gray

Storyline:  The supernatural origins of Jason Voorhees is revealed

MV5BMTM3MTM1Njg0NV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwNzcwNjk4__V1_SY317_CR0,0,214,317_Review (Spoils): This is weird the series takes a long tumble also known as Jason Goes to Hell. The opening is a classic where a bunch of army dudes from the FBI finally trap Jason (Kane Hodder) and lays the lead to him and a nice grenade.  The remains end up at the morgue and a coroner ends up being enchanted by the heart of Jason and eats it. He becomes then possessed by the haunting spirit of Jason. Yes this is the storyline!

Anyways this follows then the typical Halloween storyline where he must hunts down the Voorhees bloodline and kills everyone in his way. The spirit of Jason jumps from one person to another by some strange pink alien form. We got lots of blood, weird aliens, melting, gunshots, some magical daggers to kill off the Voorhees bloodline, demon babies, some machete action.  This film is way off the Crystal Lake days.

Rating: This film travelled far from the norm in the series, almost to the point of no return (see the next one). The ending and the begining are the best part of the film as Freddy VS Jason revives the series.

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4/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

 

 

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Friday the 13th 8 (1989)

Friday the 13th 8 (1989)

Country: USA

Director: Rob Hedden

Stars: Jensen Daggett, Kane Hodder, Todd Caldecott, Barbara Bingham, Tiffany Paulsen, Charles McCulloch

Storyline: A school trip goes to New York on a boat and Jason follows

imagesReview (spoils): The cute Rennie (Jensen Daggett ) has some issues and she decides to go on a school trip with some not so friendly schoolmates. She has an issue with water because of her childhood and arsehole uncle but she goes anyways. Oh and the boat gets a new passenger named Jason Voorhees who was revived by a underwater power line and climbs on to the boat. The film moves in the same vein as many of the others, Jason kills teenagers and when the victims escape and float to New York he follows there also.

We have the basic axes, harpoons, breaking necks, face smashing, guitar to the face, heroin needle through the body and the classic punch the head off. The film lacks in gore and major blood but we have Hodder once again playing the maniac. For the lack of gore, stupid deaths and too much 80s feel (aka the rocker chick was the lamest yet in the series) the movie fails. This is not counting the stupid dream sequences of Jason as a little boy throughout the boat and the ending.

Rating: The film fails for the series as its lame and too cheesy. The whole idea was wrong and they should have left it back to the lake. Brought it all back to basics for this entry but they missed the boat (get it?).

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4/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Friday the 13th 7 (1988)

Friday the 13th 7 (1988)

Country:  USA

Director:  John Carl Buechler

Main Stars:  Jennifer Banko, Susan Blu, Lar Park-Lincoln, Kane Hodder, Heidi Kozak, Terry Kiser, Susan Jennifer Sullivan

Storyline:  Years after Tommy Jarvis chained Jason Voorhees underwater; he gets released and traveled back to Crystal Lake but this time up against a young teenage girl who has psychic powers.

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Review (Spoils): The film starts off giving background to a young Tina Shepard (Jennifer Banko) who goes through trauma thanks to her alcoholic father beating her mother. She races to the end of the wharf to get away and her father follows and she in a heat of rage using her telekinetic powers and buries him to the bottom of the lake. 10 years later Tina (Lar Park-Lincoln) is still trying to get over it and control her mental powers. Her mother (Susan Blu) is not so forgiving and wants her to be just normal so sends her to an asshole Dr. Crews (Terry Kise). They end up going to the cottage where her father died and she tries desperately to bring her dad back but instead releases Jason from the bottom of the lake. Jason goes loose and starts killing nearby teenagers whom Tina has introduce herself too. In the truth Tina see’s visions thinks she is going insane Dr.Crews has a feeling something weird is going on but does not care. This all leads down to some dead teenagers and battle royal with Jason and Tina, which the ending is not that believable but more of an ode to the first film.

Jason is back and this time we have him killing love makers, axes to the face, drowning, sickle stabbing, skull crushing, party blowers to the eye, stabbings and the classic throwing out of window. The gore is not quite all there but the finale battle we get a good look at Jason as he fights off someone with telekinetic powers.

Lar Park-Lincoln does a great job playing Tina and this is a memorable character of the series. Unfortunately the whole mental power thing just does not work for me when it comes to Friday the 13th. I understand that they wanted to do something different and the film was not that bad but I believe this is just the start of the real downfall of the series.

Rating: Sure the film holds babes such as Lar Park-Lincoln and Susan Jennifer Sullivan for the series and brings the welcoming of the powerhouse Jason (Kane Hodder) but the mental power thing just ruins the movie. And the ending alone (even though an ode) is just dumb and makes the film seem like a waste. The film is not horrible but it definitely the start of the downfall of the series.  

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5/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Friday the 13th 6 (1986)

Friday the 13th 6 (1986)

Country:  USA

Director:  Tom McLoughlin

Main StarsThom Matthews, Jennifer Cooke, David Kagen, Renee Jones, C.J Graham

Storyline:  Tommy Jarvis goes to the graveyard to dig up Jason Voorhees to get rid of his body. A lightning bolt hits the metal rod in his body and lord and behold the mask is back!

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Review (Spoils):  Tommy Jarvis (Thom Matthews) is back and just as mad in the head. He digs up Jason Voorhees (C.J Graham) for some reason to burn and dispose the body (even though it’s buried) during a stormy night. During this he drives a metal fence through the body and lightning hits it. Jason rises from the grave kills Horseshack and goes on a murdering rampage.  In this whole rush to stop Jason for once and for all Tommy gets arrested as he is hanging around the hot sheriff’s daughter Megan (Jennifer Cooke) and the people believe that is the mad man.

Jason is back in this one and the series goes back on track. Sure Crystal Lake gets renamed Forest Green due to the awful past of the area but the presence is still there.  We have lots of paintball deaths, arms being ripped off and the classic machete. This film brings in the violence but the gore is very lacking as the scenes are shot too fast. But we get the picture and the Man behind the Mask is back, right till the ending where Tommy chains him back to the bottom of the lake where he orginal drowned.

Rating:  This film brought Jason back into the series and right where the 4th of the series left off really. We have Jason running around smashing people to bits and hacking like it’s a wheat field. Alice Cooper tunes and Jason fucking Horseshack up in the beginning what more is there to love?

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6/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Friday the 13th 5 (1985)

Friday the 13th 5 (1985)

Country:  USA

Director:  Danny Steinmann

Main StarsMelanie Kinnaman, John Shepherd, Shavar Ross

Storyline:  10 years after Tommy Jarvis killed Jason Voorhes he is placed in a mental hospital as he cannot get over the visions of that night. While moved into a rural halfway house the killing has begun again, has Jason been raised from the dead?

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Review (Spoils):  This is where the series starts to take a dive. Tommy (John Shepherd) is one messed up dude who has anger issues. But he still into creating horror masks and with the help of halfway house under the control of Pam (Melanie Kinnaman) he is on the road for recovery if anyone gives him the chance.  We get introduced to the typical teenagers that have mental problems that follows the norm to horror movies in this setting. Most characters are non interesting so when Jason comes back and starts hacking them up don’t worry for them but just wait for the kill.  Sure we have some machete action but nothing stands out except the shit scene.

The downfall of the film is two things the Reggie character (Shavar Ross) you just want to choke. Really kid ? Your brother is like a Michael Jackson meets El DeBarge and your grandfather is cooler. This kid just annoyed the shit out of me.  The second thing is the actual ending, come one really it was so obvious that it makes the movie is even more dumb.

Rating:  Not the worse of the series but it sure is the start of the downfall of the series.  Danny Steinmann shame on you to let this kind of thing happen to such a great franchise, you’re the blame that series really started to get cheesy later on. (not counting 6 as it was good)

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5/10 Beers!

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Friday the 13th 4 : The Final Chapter(1984)

Friday the 13th 4 : The Final Chapter(1984)

Country: USA

Director:  Joseph Zito

Main Stars: Erich Anderson, Judie Aronson, Kimberly Beck, Corey Feldman, Crispin Glover, Barbara Howard, Ted White

Storyline:  Jason Voorhees ends up at the morgue after part 3 and revives and heads back to Crystal Lake to continue his killing spree.

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Review (Spoils):  Jason (Ted White) is back and he heads back to the woods after escaping and doing some killing at the morgue. He ends up between two cabins at Crystal Lake, one with horny drunk teenagers and the other the Jarvis family.  The main character of the film is Tommy Jarvis (Corey Feldman) a young boy who enjoys sci-fi and horror and his hot blonde sister Trish (Kimberly Beck). Trish is trapped looking after her younger brother and cannot enjoy the youth feeling unlike the other teenagers and this leads to the two groups meeting.  Jason is back and he is pissed! We have lots of slaughter in this entry, we have machete heaven, stabs to the throat, spears, window throws, lots of stabs and the ending of Jason is outstanding. (Thank you Tom Savini !) We have such babes in the film such as Samantha (Judie Aronson) and Sara (Barbara Howard) to add to Trish for your viewing pleasure. The ending of the film is an all out battle of Tommy Jarvis and Jason which is a memorable moment in not just the Friday 13 series but for horror period. Blood gore fest!

Rating:  Yes the very ending can be cheesy but the movie overall is awesome for 4th entry in the series. Tom Savini went nuts on the blood and at this point of the series it still holds.  For the Final Chapter this one goes out with a BANG! So grab your hockey mask and machete and suck back some cold ones for this classic.

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7/10 Beers!

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Friday the 13th 3 (1982)

Friday the 13th 3 (1982)

Country:  USA

Director:  Steve Miner

Main Stars: Dana Kimball, Tracie Savage, Richard Brooker, Catherine Parks, Larry Zerner

Storyline:  Jason comes back after being hacked by his machete and finds some fun campers in the Crystal Lake. He goes on a revenge killing spree again.

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Review (Spoils):  We have a change of pace in this film there is no camp and no counselors. This time Jason (Richard Brooker) find some people who are camping and having fun at a ranch and he wants revenge to what happened to him in the second film. This film is the first of Jason wearing the classic hockey mask as he gets it after he slaughters Shelly (Larry Zerner) the class clown and wears it from here on in the series. We have babes galore in this film we have the main character Chris (Dana Kimball) who met Jason in her past but passed out when she was attacked and he left her. (I guess he thought she was dead?). Dana Kimball also brings one of the most memorable finales in the Friday the 13th series in the barn.  The others are Vera (Catherine Parks) the babe of the film in which everyone wants to sleep with and then Debbie (Tracie Savage) who is the girl next door.  The film does well in character development instead of just relying on gore. Sure the hippies can be cheesy and so is the 3D parts but the film is pretty decent overall.  Some of the classic kills are the spear, axe to the head and the chase scene is the best at the end.  Dana Kimball and Richard Brooker still the show in this one.

Rating:  This is one of the better films in the Friday the 13th series.  Not as good as the first two but not far behind. Like stated above Dana Kimball is plays an amazing scream queen and her acting is stellar in this film. Also Richard Brooker plays as one of my favorite Jason Voorhees.

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7/10 Beers!

Yacker

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