Tag Archives: Marcus Nispel

Friday the 13th (2009)

Friday the 13th (2009)

Country: USA

Director: Marcus Nispel

Main Stars: Jared Padalecki, Amanda Righetti, Derek Mears, Danielle Panabaker, Aaron Yoo, Julianna Guill, Willa Ford, America Olivo

Storyline: A group of teens discover an old camp called Camp Crystal Lake which inhabited by a madman named Jason Voorhees.

MV5BMTQ5ODI5NTMzN15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzY4MTYxMg@@._V1_SY317_CR0,0,214,317_AL_Review (Spoils): A small group of young people disappear in the woods near the long abandoned Camp Crystal Lake. Another group of young people spend a weekend at a cabin nearby for sex, booze, drugs and death. A lone wolf man named Clay (Jared Padalecki) is traveling on his own looking for his lost sister Whitney (Amanda Righetti) as she was one of the missing kids. The whole thing collides when they come across a madman named Jason Voorhees (Derek Mears) who wanders the woods killing everything that comes in his way.

First off I’m very loyal to the Friday the 13th series and was totally upset over the talk of a remake and this is the reason why. The characters are pale, blank and who cares if they die…really? The whole point of the film is totally lost as the whole storyline of Jason’s mother is the reason for the series to begin with so to cut it short on that plot the movie has nothing to go on that is not in every other slasher film. Some of the kills are lame, for example the machete in the head under the dock was totally dumb. Why is everyone a redneck if they are in killer country? Why the hell would Jason kidnap a girl when he just kills everyone else and why does he have an underground setup? Why is Clay such a douche? Why does Danielle Panabaker even care for such a douche?

Rating: This film should have never been made. I would take Friday the 13th part 11 in the Arctic or something over this hunk of garbage. This is prime example why I hate remakes. If it was not for my loyalty for Jason and the hot babe Danielle Panabaker this film would have been a long and forgotten. Skip this piece of crap as it just might be the worse of the bunch which is pretty bad as space and Manhattan were no picnic on Crystal Lake.

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4/10 Beers!

Yacker

2 Comments

Filed under Slasher

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

Country:  USA

Director:  Marcus Nispel

Stars: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Andrew Bryniarski, Erica Leerhsen, R.Lee Ermey, Terrence Evans, Heather Kafka, Kathy Lamkin

Storyline: Five friends find themselves stalked by a deformed chainsaw wielding maniac and a inbreed family.

MV5BMjA4OTc0NDEzNF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzI1MzAwMQ@@__V1_SY317_CR2,0,214,317_Review: Welcome to Texas where hitchhikers are horny or just nuts and carry guns in their crotch!

In this remake of the classic from the 1970’s we have a more modern group of dope smoking teens heading to a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert . They come across a couple hitchhikers (see above) and before they know it one of them blows off her head and off they become targets for a redneck family. This film tries to stay true to the original with Leatherface (Andrew Bryniarski) wielding his mighty chainsaw and the family tormenting the teens. We have some great scenes of gore such as, heads blown off, brains, body parts, chainsaw murders, cars running over people and lots of blood. The film tries to pay ode to the original and the second film with such scenes of the classic meat hook and the skinning and wear one victims face as a mask.

But to me it tried too hard. It tried to be over the top which the original never really had to do. It relied on gore, blood and guts. The family itself is over populated to the point you almost cannot keep track of them all. The first film kept it simple with a small group this one is like a Rob Zombie film it is all over the place with characters and plot holes.

Rating: First rule of horror don’t fuck with a classic. Sure this remake is semi-decent but if it is not broken do not re-invent the wheel.  The whole cannibal connection is missing from this film. But we do have Jessica Biel in her hotness running around in soaking white top through most of the film. So that counts for something.

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6/10 Beers!

Yacker

2 Comments

Filed under Cannibal