Halloween 2 (2009)

Halloween 2 (2009)

Country:  USA

Director: Rob Zombie

Main Stars: Scout Taylor-Compton, Tyler Mane, Malcolm McDowell, Sheri Moon Zombie, Brad Dourif, Tyler Mane

Storyline:  Laurie Strode tries to deal with the nightmares of her killer brother as Michael returns home again.

Review (Spoils): Once again Michael Myers (Tyler Mane) has returned and he wants to finish off his family and Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton) is the target again. Except this time Laurie is a spoil brat (I guess the actions in the last film drove her with an ego) who just can’t get off her high horse and we have the bearded Michael walking around killing everything in his path. Unlike the first remake film from Rob Zombie this one has nothing to do with the original Halloween 2 and this just a mixed bag of shit and dream sequences.  We get it she has nightmares of the past film….we do not need to wasted on this after the first time or the second.  But it does not stop there did I mention in the psyche of Michaels mind is his childhood, a white horse (yes a horse!) and his mother who is portrayed by Sherri Moon Zombie?

Other than the beautiful Sherri Moon Zombie to look at (yes Rob we know she is good looking and she is in every film you ever did) this film is a total mess and might possible be his worse to date. Between dreamscapes, the wanna be mom from Friday the 13^th demanding to kill, all over the place plot gaps and the powerhouse Michael Myers being able to take a hit from anything and keep going, this film is a total loss.

Rating: Skip this film if you actual enjoy the Halloween series. Even for remakes this one missed the mark by a very large throw. You can have as much gore and blood that anyone can take but when you mix it with this much crap then it just isn’t that great. This film was a bloody mess in a bad way.

2/10 Beers!

Yacker

The Devil’s Rejects (2005)

The Devil’s Rejects (2005)

Country: USA

Director: Rob Zombie

Main Stars: Sid Haig, Sheri Moon Zombie, Bill Moseley, William Forsythe, Charlie Wydell, Leslie Easterbrook, Matthew McGrory, Kate Norby, Ginger Lynn, Elizabeth Daily, Danny Trejo

Storyline: Continues after House of 1000 Corpses as the Firefly family try to escape.

Review (Spoils): The Firefly family get tracked down by a mad Sheriff John Quincy (William Forsythe) who wants them to pay in the worse possible way like they torment their victims. They catch Mother Firefly (Leslie Easterbrook) but Baby (Sheri Moon Zombie) and Otis (Bill Moseley) escape and track down the mad clown Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig) to re-locate somewhere in the hot desert. This leads to Baby and Otis kidnapping a group of people as hostages and then they start to torment them until the sheriff and his bounty hunters invade and then this brings the flip of coin to the serial killer family.

This film is not like the first of the series at all. This film is a trip down the Manson Family lane as it has all the ingredients plus a hot babe and a crazy ass clown. We have some basic torture, gun shots, punches to the face, and some long dragging scenes of stupid teasing from Baby and once again a rip off from Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 with the mask made of skin. The film is not as confusing and all over the place like the first film but at the same time I just did not feel the horror of the Firefly family nor did I feel for them once the Sheriff came along. I like how the characters are built but at the same time too much wasted time on something that should be intense when it’s not.

Rating: This film is not veil and No it’s not shocking. I get what Rob Zombie is trying to do and I appreciate it as he is a horror fan and knows the gems …but sometimes you can’t create one by rely too much what you love from the past classics. The ending, the skin mask and the huge order of classic actors and actresses does not make the perfect horror film. It’s not terrible but at the same time it is not a classic. Thank god for Sheri Moon Zombie.

 

4/10 Beers!

Yacker

The Lords of Salem (2012)

The Lords of Salem (2013)

Country: USA

Director:  Rob Zombie

Stars: Sheri Moon Zombie, Bruce Davison, Jeff Daniel, Judy Geeson, Meg Foster, Patricia Quinn, Dee Wallace, Sid Haig

Storyline: A radio DJ gets a box containing a record and the music triggers her madness and opens a coven of witches to her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Review (spoils): Heidi (Sheri Moon Zombie) is a rocker DJ works at a local radio station. She receives a record from a new group called “The Lords” which when she plays it, it does things to her mind. So the radio station promotes the band anyways and what they find out on the bands concert that it is a private hearing and it has not reawakened a coven of witches.

Ok once again Rob Zombie has confused the hell out of me with his typical throwing weird shit at you for no reason. Sure he is good at that and its fun in horror but you need to know when and how to do it. Rob Zombie always over does it and it ruins the film. He has the right idea but he tries too hard. This film holds goats, naked hags, alien fetuses, burning skin, licking bloody babies and weird dream sequence where there are some cardinals stroking cocks. What we have here is a film that lives around Rosemary’s Baby meets Hellraiser. The film is so all over the place that it even takes away from Sheri Moon Zombie hotness (but she needed to lose the dreads and the tattoos).

Rating: Rob Zombie once again had a great idea of a film but yet again stole ideas from classic horror films that influenced him. But this one might actually be one of his better films and hell its better than the remake hell that the rest of Hollywood is offering.

 

 

4/10 Beers!

Yacker

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

Country:  USA

Director:  Rob Zombie

Main Stars:  Karen Black, Sid Haig, Sheri Moon Zombie, Gregg Gibbs, Erin Daniels, Dennis Fimple, Walton Goggins, Jennifer Jostyn, Matthew McGrory, Bill Moseley

Storyline: A group of teens gets stranded in the back woods of Texas while looking into the urban legend of murders. What they find out is they become prisoners of some back wood serial killers that kill just for joy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Review (Spoils):  Not sure if Rob Zombie did this as a serious film or more as a ode to classic horror films like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes, Don’t Look in the Basement and almost every other horror movie out there.  There is not much original in this film except maybe Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig) character that is really nothing more than a foul mouth clown. The film is pretty much Rob Zombie trying too hard. The storyline has holes all through it because there are just too many characters for us to follow. The killers are far too many it’s like Zombie tried to remake the classic feel of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre with the wacko family (Firefly family in this case)and it is just a mess.  The whole Dr. Satan (Gregg Gibbs) thing does not make any sense and the only thing holding the film sort of together is hotness of Baby (Sheri Moon Zombie). Hell even the gory scenes are a rip off, the mask of flesh placed on the woman’s face….hmm can you say The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2? This film is filled with gore, blood, flesh scraping, freaks galore, stabbings, gun shots and lots of dead bodies. Too bad with all this goodness the film is a fucking mess.

Rating:  Dear Rob Zombie I had high hopes for you when you came out saying you were going to get into film making. Being a horror fan and great musician (White Zombie rocked!) I figured you can nail this but instead it just a wild mess of blood, gore and empty storylines.  Thank god for Sheri Moon Zombie she makes it a bit watchable.

 

 

4/10 Beers!

Yacker