Category Archives: Zombie

Day of the Dead: Bloodlines (2018)

Day of the Dead: Bloodlines (2018)

Country: USA

Director:  Hector Hernandez Vicens

Main Stars:  Sophie Skelton, Jonathan Schaech, Jeff Gum, Lilian Blankenship, Shari Watson, Marcus Vanco, Mark Rhino Smith

Storyline:  After a zombie outbreak a group of military personnel try to experiment and get the outbreak under control.

Review (Spoils): The film starts off as a typical B movie with zombies running around biting people a young hot woman running for her life through the streets as her top is coming loose. I was thinking to myself man this movie is going to be awesome and now I can relax. I was wrong.

Within the credits the film started to take it self serious, yes, I just said that it tried to be a good film. This hurt the film greatly before we knew it we had no idea what happened to characters, what time was in the film and what the hell happened to the running young ladies! Instead we get a zombie outbreak that infects a pervert that wanted to rape someone, and she keeps him alive to find out a cure because she knows the zombie will do what she wants like a pet. There is the whole damn movie I just saved to you 1.5 hours.

We have zombies, breasts running in the streets, nasty bites, running zombies and the one thing that drove me nuts a clear rip off the original all having a zombie chained to the way as a pet. Fuck you!!

Rating:  This film could have been great if they would have kept or kept adding the young girls the zombies to eat. But no, it had to try to be serious when it was just bad, so there is number one issue. Number two issue zombie military films are hard to do and make great unless you are Fulci or Romero. Number three issue zombie should never run stop that! Number four do not fuck with a classic!

3/10 Beers!

Yacker

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Death House (2017)

Death House (2017)

Country:  USA

Director:  B. Harrison Smith

Main Stars:  Bill Mosely, Tony Todd, Nicole Cinaglia, Adrienne Barbeau, Kane Holder, Debbie Rochon, Gunnar Hansen, Dee Wallace, Lindsay Hartley, Barbara Crampton, Camille Keaton, Cortney Palm, Sid Haig, Brinke Stevens, Tiffany Shepis, Felissa Rose, Lauren Compton, Beverly Randolph, Sean Whalen, Cody Longo. Lloyd Kaufman

Storyline:  A secret prison has a power outage and all Hell breaks loose when two agents are trapped.

Review (Spoils): Not sure what everyone was thinking with this film, but it became a simple over the top gore mess. The storyline is not very detailed, and it is actually kind of jumbled. We have two agents Condy Longo and Cortney Palm trapped in a prison where a large collection of doctors (including Dee Wallace’s bad hair) has the prisoners trapped with victims that satisfy their needs. Kane Hodder is one of the main prisons badasses and as the power goes out, he starts to lead a front of prisoners.

The film does delivery the bloody goods with slashing, cutting, gun shots, intestines, some weird living zombies gore scene, cheap gas and Satan fire scene and lots of gore. The film is all over the place but we do also get a few glances of Courtney Palm topless but nothing sexy from Debbie Rochon, Felissa Rose, Lindsay Hartley or Laura Compton. (such a missed chance)

Rating:  This is a knocking dead all star cast of horror! There are more names in this film then I can even name when it comes to paying homage to horror. We have the classic villains like Bill Mosely, Tony Todd, Gunnar Hansen, Kane Holder and Sean Whalen to name a few. Over the top gore hound Lloyd Kaufman. And the horror B Queens themselves like Adrienne Barbeau, Debbie Rochon, Dee Wallace, Barbara Crampton, Camille Keaton, Brinke Stevens, Felissa Rose and Lauren Compton just to name a few! But unfortunately it could not save the film from a written mess, it just tried too hard and the finale was kind of boring and lame to the end Hansen that way.  The only thing that made the ending okay was the homage to Gunnar Hansen which was a nice little added touch which made me sad.

3/10 beers!

Yacker

 

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The Rezort (2015)

The Rezort (2015)

Country:  UK

Director:  Steve Barker

Main Stars:  Dougray Scott, Jessica De Gouw, Claire Goose, Elen Rhys, Martin McCann

Storyline:  Tourists get to go to an island and shoot zombies, but things go wrong.

Review (Spoils): After a zombie outbreak and the people are in control of the world again. A company decides that they can setup an island and place the undead there so that people can pay to go out and shoot the zombies in the so called wild. They call this a Zafari and when a group of young individuals decide to go out all hell breaks loose when the security fails.

The film had an idea and it could have been like another spin off the Night of the Living Dead Romero’s movies, but it did not build enough backstory. It jumped way to fast into what it is now and get to the island and start to shoot zombies. The characters did not have enough time in the story to build that you cared and really many them are idiots or assholes. So, you did not root for them nor cared if they got eaten. As the Wilton (Claire Goose) struggles because the security has been breached and the zombies start to go out in the wild and attack the paid tourists she hits the security system which is blow up the damn island.

Zombies with good special effects and make up was shocking done well for a lower budget film but that was about it. Zombies should not be able to run! Plan and simple stop it now! We have blood, some bites and way to many gun shots for my liking in a horror film. The acting was okay but the characters were very lacking and made some shitty decisions which I had a hard time to handle.

 

Rating:  Basically, the whole the film is zombies running around (literally running sigh) and attacking people as they try to escape one by one and shoot them. I personally am not a fan of running zombies at all and also not a big shoot them up movie guys, so this film was not winning my attention from the get go. But we had two cuties in the film Jessica De Gouw and Elen Rhys so that held my attention enough for the review as the rest was just okay. By the way the ending….. just ended.

4/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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House of the Dead 2 (2005)

House of the Dead 2 (2005)

Country:  USA

Director:  Michael Hurst

Main Stars:  Emmanuelle Vaugier, Ed Quinn, Sticky Fingaz, Victoria Pratt, Sid Haig

Storyline:  A virus spreads along a university and some scientists and SWAT team invade to stop the zombie like virus.

Review (Spoils): The film starts with some typical TA teenage craziness as for some reason a virus from school is spreading and creating zombies. We learn that a lunatic Professor Curien (Sid Haig) has a main zombie that he trying to bring back to life from the dead. Zombies bite and the virus spreads across the campus until the beautiful Emmanuelle Vaugier comes to the case.

Many zombies, lots of biting and who knew that all SWAT Teams are fine getting changed together no matter what sex and feel very conformable with sexual harassment. There is some blood and the special effects are not bad for a TV movie but the storyline is boring as Hell. The acting is okay, the character Ed Quinn played annoyed me.  However, Emmanuelle Vaugier was hot and that held the movie together enough for me to watch it through.

Rating:  This film was not great but it had Emmanuelle Vaugier and did not have the stupid video graphics like the first film. In addition, as a bonus we have the classic Sid Haig for the first part of the film and another babe by the name of Victoria Pratt. Better than the first film with all that alone.

3/10 Beers!

Yacker

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House of the Dead (2003)

House of the Dead (2003)

Country:  USA

Director:  Uwe Boll

Main Stars:  Jonathan Cherry, Tyron Leitso, Clint Howard, Ona Grauer, Ellie Cornell, Enuka Okuma, Kira Clavell, Sonya Salomaa

Storyline:  College students go to an island for a rave and are overtaken by zombies

Review (Spoils): A group of stupid college students (even though they are old enough to be out of school) head to an island so that they can attend a rave and film it. When they get there, it does not take long to learn that the island is over taken by fast moving flesh eating zombies. As the film movies along with some very bad acting and out of this world horrible video game film pieces we learn that it is all being powered by a past zombie lord and his house of the dead.

We have some babes, some cleavage, the worse idea of placing video game footage in a film, some shitty storyline, dumb kissing scene, some ok looking zombies, slow motion scenes that you are wondering why you would do this. This film could possibly be on the list of worse of all horror time.

Rating:  Ever watch a film and go man I wonder if this is good. Then while watching it you go to yourself oh no it is the rotten piece of shit film that I have been ignoring for decades? Well that is what happened to me on this one. Why in gods name would some think making a film with shitting video scenes was a great idea? Total on crack and you should not be allowed to film again crap! If it were not for Ona Grauer cleavage throughout the film, this film would be a bomb and not worth a pint.

1/10 Beers! (thanks for the cleavage Ona Grauer)

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Zombeavers (2014)

Zombeavers (2014)

Country:  USA

Director:  Jordan Rubin

Main Stars:  Rachel Melvin, Courtney Palm, Lexi Atkins, Hutch Dano, Jake Weary, Peter Gilroy

Storyline:  A group of young teenagers go to the woods to stay and are attacked by zombie beavers.

Review (Spoils): Well nothing says Christmas like Zombeavers! Actually, they have nothing in common, so let’s begin. We have a group of horny young girls that travel to the woods to get away from men and the internet. They just happened to be followed by their horny boyfriends and they all join in the woods. While that happened we have a spill into the river in which pollutes the water and creates zombie beavers. Everyone, including the small dog must run for his or her lives!

Occasionally I like to unplug my serious thoughts and unwind with straight retardedness and this is a great example of it. We young hot and horny girls that show their breasts (one at least anyways, thank you Courtney Palm,), stupid males that think only with their penis, a small dog that is thrown to the wolves (or beavers in this case), lots of blood, lots of furry killer beavers that can jump, axes, knives, some whacky beaver people zombies, funny tree chomping and a weekend without any dope! This film has it all but the dope and a serious storyline.

Rating:  If you have an hour or so to kill, this film is a good start. The film was nice cross of Cabin Fever meets Black Sheep. (Not the Chris Farley one) We have some lovely women and some crazy puppets and make up. The beavers make the film by far, as their glowing eyes are the best.  In addition, I love the scene where it drags for far too long with Lexi Atkins on the island in the kitchen battle a beaver in a bikini. (Small exploitation). This film is not be taken serious and it was an okay ride.

5/10 Beers!

Yacker

 

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Rabid (1977)

Rabid (1977)

Country:  Canada

Director: David Cronenberg

Main Stars: Marilyn Chambers, Frank Moore, Joe Silver, Susan Roman

Storyline: A woman has plastic surgery and since she craves blood and has been creating a zombie plague across the city.

Review (Spoils): After a freak motorcycle and van accident, which leaves the back passenger of the cycle with some major burns, she is rushed to a plastic surgeon under her will (she is in a coma) for a test experiment. Rose (Marilyn Chambers) wakes up in a scare and learns that she now craves blood. She ends up hurting a patient near her and he cannot remember and lord behold a plague starts to infect the area. Oh, did we mention that she has a start red like new organ growing under her armpit that she uses to draw blood? Human blood is the need as she tries cow’s blood and it just causes some serious blood puke and the victims becomes a rabid type plague on top of that.

This film is all over the place when it comes to the storyline and bizarre. We have strange red penis like organs, a classic porn star as the main actor, foaming mouths, red blood and a zombie like plague that is haunting the streets as Rose keeps her secret. Only in Montreal, can something this weird cut loose?

Only David Cronenberg could create something this bizarre to hit the horror world for its time in the 70s.

Rating: This film is what happens when you mixed horror with a classic 70s porn queen and the classic freak king David Cronenberg. If you are a fan of his movies, you will love this one and get a huge kick out of it all. However, if you like your horror movies very standard you will be sighing through the damn thing. I dug the film and kind of understand the cult following it has, it just needed more classic porn stars in it.

6/10 Beers!

Yacker

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