House of the Dead 2 (2005)
Director: Michael Hurst
Main Stars: Emmanuelle Vaugier, Ed Quinn, Sticky Fingaz, Victoria Pratt, Sid Haig
Storyline: A virus spreads along a university and some scientists and SWAT team invade to stop the zombie like virus.
Review (Spoils): The film starts with some typical TA teenage craziness as for some reason a virus from school is spreading and creating zombies. We learn that a lunatic Professor Curien (Sid Haig) has a main zombie that he trying to bring back to life from the dead. Zombies bite and the virus spreads across the campus until the beautiful Emmanuelle Vaugier comes to the case.
Many zombies, lots of biting and who knew that all SWAT Teams are fine getting changed together no matter what sex and feel very conformable with sexual harassment. There is some blood and the special effects are not bad for a TV movie but the storyline is boring as Hell. The acting is okay, the character Ed Quinn played annoyed me. However, Emmanuelle Vaugier was hot and that held the movie together enough for me to watch it through.
Rating: This film was not great but it had Emmanuelle Vaugier and did not have the stupid video graphics like the first film. In addition, as a bonus we have the classic Sid Haig for the first part of the film and another babe by the name of Victoria Pratt. Better than the first film with all that alone.
House of the Dead (2003)
Director: Uwe Boll
Main Stars: Jonathan Cherry, Tyron Leitso, Clint Howard, Ona Grauer, Ellie Cornell, Enuka Okuma, Kira Clavell, Sonya Salomaa
Storyline: College students go to an island for a rave and are overtaken by zombies
Review (Spoils): A group of stupid college students (even though they are old enough to be out of school) head to an island so that they can attend a rave and film it. When they get there, it does not take long to learn that the island is over taken by fast moving flesh eating zombies. As the film movies along with some very bad acting and out of this world horrible video game film pieces we learn that it is all being powered by a past zombie lord and his house of the dead.
We have some babes, some cleavage, the worse idea of placing video game footage in a film, some shitty storyline, dumb kissing scene, some ok looking zombies, slow motion scenes that you are wondering why you would do this. This film could possibly be on the list of worse of all horror time.
Rating: Ever watch a film and go man I wonder if this is good. Then while watching it you go to yourself oh no it is the rotten piece of shit film that I have been ignoring for decades? Well that is what happened to me on this one. Why in gods name would some think making a film with shitting video scenes was a great idea? Total on crack and you should not be allowed to film again crap! If it were not for Ona Grauer cleavage throughout the film, this film would be a bomb and not worth a pint.
1/10 Beers! (thanks for the cleavage Ona Grauer)
Director: Jordan Rubin
Main Stars: Rachel Melvin, Courtney Palm, Lexi Atkins, Hutch Dano, Jake Weary, Peter Gilroy
Storyline: A group of young teenagers go to the woods to stay and are attacked by zombie beavers.
Review (Spoils): Well nothing says Christmas like Zombeavers! Actually, they have nothing in common, so let’s begin. We have a group of horny young girls that travel to the woods to get away from men and the internet. They just happened to be followed by their horny boyfriends and they all join in the woods. While that happened we have a spill into the river in which pollutes the water and creates zombie beavers. Everyone, including the small dog must run for his or her lives!
Occasionally I like to unplug my serious thoughts and unwind with straight retardedness and this is a great example of it. We young hot and horny girls that show their breasts (one at least anyways, thank you Courtney Palm,), stupid males that think only with their penis, a small dog that is thrown to the wolves (or beavers in this case), lots of blood, lots of furry killer beavers that can jump, axes, knives, some whacky beaver people zombies, funny tree chomping and a weekend without any dope! This film has it all but the dope and a serious storyline.
Rating: If you have an hour or so to kill, this film is a good start. The film was nice cross of Cabin Fever meets Black Sheep. (Not the Chris Farley one) We have some lovely women and some crazy puppets and make up. The beavers make the film by far, as their glowing eyes are the best. In addition, I love the scene where it drags for far too long with Lexi Atkins on the island in the kitchen battle a beaver in a bikini. (Small exploitation). This film is not be taken serious and it was an okay ride.
Director: David Cronenberg
Main Stars: Marilyn Chambers, Frank Moore, Joe Silver, Susan Roman
Storyline: A woman has plastic surgery and since she craves blood and has been creating a zombie plague across the city.
Review (Spoils): After a freak motorcycle and van accident, which leaves the back passenger of the cycle with some major burns, she is rushed to a plastic surgeon under her will (she is in a coma) for a test experiment. Rose (Marilyn Chambers) wakes up in a scare and learns that she now craves blood. She ends up hurting a patient near her and he cannot remember and lord behold a plague starts to infect the area. Oh, did we mention that she has a start red like new organ growing under her armpit that she uses to draw blood? Human blood is the need as she tries cow’s blood and it just causes some serious blood puke and the victims becomes a rabid type plague on top of that.
This film is all over the place when it comes to the storyline and bizarre. We have strange red penis like organs, a classic porn star as the main actor, foaming mouths, red blood and a zombie like plague that is haunting the streets as Rose keeps her secret. Only in Montreal, can something this weird cut loose?
Only David Cronenberg could create something this bizarre to hit the horror world for its time in the 70s.
Rating: This film is what happens when you mixed horror with a classic 70s porn queen and the classic freak king David Cronenberg. If you are a fan of his movies, you will love this one and get a huge kick out of it all. However, if you like your horror movies very standard you will be sighing through the damn thing. I dug the film and kind of understand the cult following it has, it just needed more classic porn stars in it.
Hell of the Living Dead (1980)
Director: Bruno Mattei
Main Stars: Margit Evelyn Newton, Franco Garofalo, Selan Karay
Storyline: A female reporter and her crew work together with some commando’s on battle the undead in the jungle.
Review (Spoils): A chemical leak (something new for zombie films lol) and it starts to turn the locals within the jungle tribes to become zombies. A commando group was created to go and investigate wheat is happening to the people of the area. A young cute reporter by the name of Lia (Margit Evelyn Newton) wants to break the story herself so she joins the commando team. Well she gets more than she bargained for as she and her army try to survive as they find out the whole land is overrun with undead.
Also known as Zombie Creeping Flesh this film is a gem when it comes to gore and zombie flicks. Sure its not as smart as the Romero or Lucio films but you have to give this film some credit for gore. We have the cute Margit Evelyn Newton playing the main character, funny moments and lots and lots of red and gore. We have cannibal zombies that roam the area and attack everything. The film is not unique or even written well but it’s a goddamn zombie movie what do you want. Its got some bad dub but man its gory as hell.
Rating: Many horror fans get mad over this film as a rip off from Dawn of the Dead but you know what its horror, its is suppose to silly and fun. Its an Italian zombie film what more do you want? We have a hot chick and lots of gore, not the best but sign me up as a classic underground gem.
Fear of the Living Dead (2009)
Director: Randy Smith
Main Stars: April Campbell, Mike Tarp, Beth Baker
Storyline: Basic zombie short of a man and woman trying to survive a zombie outbreak
Review (Spoils): I came across this film and received a copy as I was at one time going to be a walking zombie in the film as I worked with someone who knew the crew. Time and the planning of kids did not pane out but my friend did make it so I did get a screening of the film. This is Canadian short film on a couple who are trying to survive a zombie outbreak. The film is on limited budget so the acting is limited and so is the plot. The make-up of the zombies themselves are not bad to be honest for a short film and we have decent gore in this short.
We have headshots, slow movie zombies, swarms of zombies, groans and some nasty biting (my favorite is the finger scene as that zombie is my buddy).
Rating: Why place this film on the site? Well for one it’s a horror short and shot locally in Ottawa and two we need to support small time films as someone needs to start somewhere. Hell even Evil Dead was a short at one point. (which I do have a copy of Evil Dead 0).
Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993)
Director: Brian Yuzna
Main Stars: Kent McCord, James T. Callahan, Sarah Douglas, Melinda Clarke, J. Trevor Edmond
Storyline: After seeing the experiment of bring the dead back to life a young man tries to do the same to his girlfriend who was killed in a motorcycle accident.
Review (Spoils): The government continue their experiments on the dead to come back to life for military uses. The colonel son named Curt (J. Trevor Edmond ) finds this out and he and his girlfriend Julie (Melinda Clarke) get involved in a motorcycle accident on the way home. Julie is pronounced dead so Curt takes her back to the lab and brings her back to life. What Curt learns is she is not fully the same woman that she was before the accident.
This film series had a rough go when the part 2 came out so I was not expecting a lot from this film. If you can get past the cheesie beginning this film is actually not bad. The film has character build and the gore is actually pretty damn good and over the top. This is a gory tale of true love and the Julie character is sexy but yet gory and deadly and she is definitely a memorable horror icon in my books. We have flesh eating, chewing, cool zombies, some drill scenes, the sexy zombie babe Melinda Clarke, some nasty cuts and of course the classic impaling scene.
Rating: This series has risen back to the ranks of the first film. I actually liked this film enough that I would place this into rotation in my horror collection. If you’re a horror fan and have not seen this film it is a must see at least once as it is a classic for the series.